I Watch The Jurassic Park Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Jurassic Park III

Well would you look at that, we got two posts in a row! For those who aren’t following in real time this makes no sense to you, but that’s okay. If you couldn’t tell by the title we’re, and when I say “we’re” I mean my boyfriend and I, are watching Jurassic Park III. Very exciting. I think this is the furthest we got in a franchise so far, not including Disney or Mission: Impossible. Check my blog posts for that franchise as well! This movie was annoying and you’re about to find out why. So here is what Jurassic Park III is all about.

Twelve-year-old Eric Kirby and his mother’s boyfriend, Ben Hildebrand, go parasailing near the restricted Isla Sorna. Because you know, when an island is restricted it means you go parasailing near it. The boat’s crew is killed by an unknown attacker, wonder what it was *rolls eyes* prompting Ben to detach the line before the vessel crashes into rocks. I didn’t understand this, they were in the air with a parachute. If the boat hit the rocks would something really bad happen to them other than them being stranded on the rocks? Eric and Ben drift towards the island.

Eight weeks later, paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant struggles to secure funding for his Velociraptor research, and rebuffs the public’s obsession with the events on Isla Nublar. Keep this in mind Grant discusses his research with longtime colleague Ellie, hypothesizing that Velociraptors were socially advanced beyond even primates. In Montana, his assistant, Billy Brennan, uses a three-dimensional printer to replicate a Velociraptor larynx.

Paul and Amanda Kirby, a seemingly wealthy couple, and the most annoying people on the fricken planet, mostly Amanda offer to fund Grant’s research if he gives them an illegal aerial tour of Isla Sorna. Grant reluctantly agrees and flies there with Billy, the Kirbys’ associates Udesky and Cooper, and their pilot Nash. Grant learns that the Kirbys plan to land; he protests, but Cooper knocks him unconscious. Cause they know best and not the PALEONTOLOGIST WHO LITERALLY ALMOST DIED LAST TIME Grant awakens to find the plane has landed, and the group flees when a predator approaches the runway. As the group boards the plane, Cooper is left behind. The plane lifts off as a Spinosaurus emerges and devours Cooper. Nash hits the dinosaur, and the plane crashes into the jungle. The Spinosaurus attacks the plane and eats Nash, who has Paul’s satellite phone. Well that’s good The survivors flee, only to encounter a Tyrannosaurus. The two dinosaurs fight, and the Spinosaurus kills the Tyrannosaurus as the humans escape.

Grant confronts the Kirbys, who reveal they are a middle-class divorced couple searching for their son Eric and Amanda’s boyfriend Ben. meanwhile, they’re constantly screaming for Eric when like they shouldn’t be, and when I say “they” I mean fricken Amanda…just watch the video. Government agencies declined to help, so they deceived Grant and brought him along, mistakenly believing him to have experience on Isla Sorna. THESE PEOPLE ARE KILLING ME The group searches for Eric and Ben as they travel to the coast. They find Ben’s corpse attached to the parasail which Billy takes. They also stumble upon a Velociraptor nest, and Billy secretly places two eggs in his bag. We’re with a bunch of smart people today

They soon discover an InGen compound, where a Velociraptor attacks them, before vocalizing for its pack. The humans escape within a herd of Corythosaurus and Parasaurolophus, causing a stampede; Grant and Udesky are separated from the others. The Velociraptors trap Udesky and attempt to lure Paul, Amanda, and Billy from their place in a tree. You don’t understand how badly I wanted this dinosaur to eat Amanda and I’m sure after watching that video you’re feeling the same way. Failing to coerce the group into rescuing Udesky, a Velociraptor kills him before the pack departs. Grant observes the pack communicating and suspects that they are searching for something; I WONDER WHAT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE as he tries to slip away, they ambush him. Eric disrupts the pack with canisters of tear gas and brings Grant to an overturned supply truck where he has been taking shelter. The following morning, Grant and Eric reunite with Billy and the Kirbys; the group narrowly escapes the Spinosaurus.

Grant, suspicious of Billy, checks his bag and finds the Velociraptor eggs, which Billy reveals he planned to sell for funding. *sigh* Grant decides to keep the eggs in the hopes that the Velociraptors may spare them if the eggs are returned. The group then unknowingly enters into an aviary filled with Pteranodons. A flock attacks the group and flies away with Eric. Billy rescues him using the parasail but is swarmed and seemingly killed. The group escapes the aviary but unintentionally leave the cage unlocked. They board a small barge and make their way down a river. That night, they retrieve the ringing satellite phone from the dung of the Spinosaurus. These people are literally the luckliest people I have ever seen. That dinosaur could’ve sh*t literally anywhere Grant contacts Ellie and tells her where they are, but the Spinosaurus attacks the barge. Fuel from the boat leaks into the water, and Grant ignites it using a flare gun, forcing the Spinosaurus to permanently flee.

The following day, the group arrives at the coast but are surrounded by the Velociraptor pack. Grant uses the replica larynx to confuse the pack and present their eggs. Upon hearing distant helicopters, the raptors reclaim their eggs and disappear into the jungle. The U.S. Navy lands on the beach, summoned by Ellie, and rescue the survivors. This girl got connections okay On a helicopter, they discover that Billy has also been rescued, albeit in a seriously injured state. They watch the newly escaped Pteranodons fly alongside them as they leave the island. Cause what more could go wrong The end.

I hope reading that didn’t make you as annoyed as I was watching it. I’m excited to see the rest of the films, I’m pretty sure the next one is with Chris Pratt. I’m just too annoyed with the movie that I can’t say anything else. The lesson: Don’t fricken go where you’re not supposed to, ESPECIALLY if it has to deal with dinosaurs.

Next movie: Jurassic World

I Watch The DC Extended Universe So You Don’t Have To: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

If you couldn’t tell by the title, this week we are watching Batman v Superman or as most people like to call it Dawn of Justice since the movie only featured one fight scene between Batman and Superman. A lot of people, including Andrew, didn’t like this movie because it was slow and whatever other reason he had, but I didn’t mind it. I’m pretty easily impressed with movies and like most all of the ones that I’ve seen, except Fantastic Four that was bad. Anyway this movie is a follow-up to the 2013 film Man of Steel and the second film of the DC Extended Universe, so we had to watch it….again. Anyway, here’s what the movie is all about.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, 2016

In a flashback to his childhood, Bruce Wayne runs from his parents’ funeral. He falls into a cave, where a circling vortex of bats elevates him back to the surface. oh boy Back in the present, 18 months after the battle between Superman and General Zod in Metropolis, Superman has become a controversial figure. Bruce is now a billionaire who has operated in Gotham City as the vigilante Batman for 20 years. Having witnessed the chaos of that battle in person, he sees Superman as an existential threat to humanity. great.

After learning of Batman’s form of justice, Clark Kent (Superman’s civilian identity) seeks to expose him via Daily Planet articles. Wayne learns that Russian weapon trafficker Anatoli Knyazev has been contacting LexCorp mogul Lex Luthor. He’s like this EXTREMELY, insane, psychotic guy. Meanwhile, Luthor attempts to persuade Senator June Finch or elastic girl from The Incredibles, (watch the movie and you’ll understand) to allow him to import kryptonite discovered after Zod’s terraforming attempt so that it can be used as a deterrent against future Kryptonian and metahuman threats. She declines, but Luthor makes alternative plans with Finch’s subordinate, granting him access to Zod’s body and the Kryptonian scout ship.

Bruce attends a gala at LexCorp to steal encrypted data from the company’s mainframe, but antiquities dealer Diana Prince or Wonder Woman takes it from him; she returns it after failing to access the information. While decrypting the drive, Bruce dreams of a postapocalyptic world where he leads rebels against an evil Superman. He is awakened by The Flash appearing through a portal, who tells him that Lois Lane a.k.a my girl Amy Adams “is the key” and urges him to find “the others” before vanishing.The decrypted drive reveals Luthor’s files on several metahumans across the globe. One is Diana, who appears in a photo from World War I. Wayne tells Alfred Pennyworth that he plans to steal and weaponize the kryptonite to go to war with Superman. perfect because that’s what we need right now.

A widely publicized congressional hearing, led by Finch, is held to question Superman’s actions against Zod. A bomb smuggled in by Luthor detonates, killing everyone present except Superman. Superman blames himself for not detecting it in time and self-imposes exile. Elsewhere, Batman breaks into LexCorp and steals the kryptonite. He builds a powered exoskeleton, a kryptonite grenade launcher, and a kryptonite-tipped spear. Meanwhile, Luthor enters the Kryptonian ship and accesses its vast database of technology.

Luthor lures Superman out of exile by kidnapping Lois and Martha Kent, Clark’s adoptive mother. He pushes Lois off the LexCorp building. Superman saves her and confronts Luthor, who reveals he manipulated him and Batman by fueling their distrust. Luthor demands he kill Batman in exchange for Martha’s life. Superman tries to explain this to Batman, who instead attacks him and eventually subdues him using a kryptonite gas. As Batman prepares to move in for the kill using the spear, Superman pleads with him to “save Martha” – the same name as Batman’s mother. Batman hesitates in confusion long enough for Lois to arrive and explain what Superman meant. Coming to his senses about how far he has fallen from grace, he promises to rescue Martha. Superman regains his strength and confronts Luthor on the scout ship. So you mean to tell me, that all it took, was to say that they had moms with the same name……

Luthor executes his backup plan, unleashing a monster genetically engineered from DNA from both Zod’s body and his own. I told you….psychotic. Diana arrives, joining Batman and Superman in their fight against the creature. Superman realizes its vulnerability to kryptonite and retrieves the spear, fatally impaling the creature with it. In its dying moments, the creature stabs Superman, who was weakened by kryptonite exposure, killing him. bro….he ain’t coming back.

Following Luthor’s arrest, Batman confronts him in prison, warning him that he will always be watching. Luthor gloats that Superman’s death has made the world vulnerable to powerful alien threats. A memorial is held for Superman in Metropolis. Clark is also declared dead, what a coincidence and Wayne and Prince both attend his funeral in Smallville. where ever that is. Martha gives Lois an envelope containing an engagement ring from Clark. Bruce tells Diana that he regrets having failed Superman in life. He asks her help to form a team of metahumans, starting with those named in Luthor’s files, to protect the world in Superman’s absence. As they depart, the dirt atop Clark’s coffin levitates. The end.

What could that possibly mean!! I guess we’ll find out in Justice League. They did these out of order, which is probably why a lot of people perfer the Marvel movies more than DC, however the newer DC movies are getting a little better as they. I’m interested to see how they’re going to do this since Henry Cavill is no longer playing Superman as well as Ben Affleck not plaing Batman anymore. This movie was okay, it wasn’t the BEST and it definitely wasn’t like Marvel’s Civil War, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. The lesson I learned from this film: If your mom has the same name as someone else’s you should automaticaly get along.

Next movie: Suicide Squad

I Watch The Karate Kid Franchse So You Don’t Have To: The Karate Kid (1984)

This week we are moving from New Jersey to California to learn some Karate in The Karate Kid franchise. While watching this film, I often wondered if someone could learn karate if they trained like Danny did. They would probably know the basics, but it would be pretty cool if they became a master of karate with only the skills from The Karate Kid. Anyway, this movie follows Daniel LaRusso, a teenager taught karate by Mr. Miyagi to help defend himself and compete in a tornament against his bullies, one of who is Johnny Lawrence, the ex-boyfiend of his love interest Ali Mills. Welp, let’s go a little deeper of what The Karate Kid is all about.

In 1984, 15-year-old Daniel LaRusso and his mother Lucille move from Newark, New Jersey, to Reseda, Los Angeles, California. Their apartment’s handyman is an eccentric, but kind and humble Okinawan immigrant named Mr. Miyagi.

At a beach party, Daniel befriends Ali Mills, a high school cheerleader, drawing the attention of her arrogant ex-boyfriend Johnny Lawrence, a black belt and the top student from the Cobra Kai dojo, training in an aggressive form of karate. Johnny and his Cobra Kai gang continually bully Daniel. And I mean like bully. These people do not quit. I don’t think they realize how close they are to killing this kid to be honest. Also, Danny literally has friends in the beginning of the film and they bail on him because he gets beat up by Johnny and his crew. Like wtf is that. I know it’s the 80s and whatever, but I thought the one guy he met in the beginning would have stayed his friend. On Halloween, after Daniel sprays water on Johnny with a hose as payback, he and his gang pursue Daniel down the street and brutally beat him, until Mr. Miyagi intervenes and easily defeats them alone. lol

Amazed, Daniel asks Mr. Miyagi to teach him karate. He declines but agrees to accompany Daniel to Cobra Kai to resolve the conflict. Oh yeah that’s going to work. If that was the answer it would have happened already and there probably wouldn’t even be a point to the movie. They meet the sensei, John Kreese, an ex-Special Forces Vietnam veteran who callously dismisses the peace offering. Because he’s insane and you’ll see why later on. Miyagi then proposes that Daniel enter the Under 18 All-Valley Karate Championships, thereby compete against Kreese’s students on equal terms, and requests that the bullying cease while he trains. Kreese agrees to the terms but warns that if Daniel does not show up for the tournament, the harassment will continue for both of them. I love that this is an adult saying this. Like “if he doesnt show up, I’m going to allow Johnny to keep bullying Danny. Like I know he’s an army man but geez, he’s your own people.

Daniel’s training starts with days of menial chores that seemingly only serve to make him Miyagi’s slave. When he becomes frustrated, Miyagi demonstrates that repetition of these chores have helped him to learn defensive blocks through muscle memory. wax on, wax off. Their bond develops, and Miyagi opens up to Daniel about his life that includes the dual loss of his wife and son in childbirth at the Manzanar internment camp while he was serving with the 442nd Infantry Regiment during World War II in Europe, where he received the Medal of Honor. And this guy isn’t trying to get people bullied like Kreese.

Through Mr. Miyagi’s teaching, Daniel learns not only karate but also important life lessons such as the importance of personal balance, reflected in the principle that martial arts training is as much about training the spirit as the body. Daniel applies the life lessons Miyagi has taught him to strengthen his relationship with Ali. On Daniel’s 16th birthday, Miyagi gives him a Karate gi for the tournament and one of his own cars. Again, I know this was set in the 80s, but throughout this whole movie Danny’s personality was super annoying. He was trying so hard to be this flirty, cool kid with Ali and she fell for it, but I just cringed the whole time. It was super annoying and if that happened today, Danny would not have a girlfriend. At least if it was me.

At the tournament, Daniel surprises the audience and competitors by reaching the semi-finals. Johnny advances to the finals, scoring three unanswered points against Darryl Vidal. Kreese instructs his second-best student, Bobby Brown, one of his more compassionate students and the least vicious of Daniel’s tormentors, to disable Daniel with an illegal attack to the knee. Bobby reluctantly does so, severely injuring Daniel and getting himself disqualified in the process.

Daniel is taken to the locker room, where the physician determines that he cannot continue. However, he believes that if he quits, his tormentors will have gotten the best of him, so he convinces Miyagi to use a pain suppression technique to help him continue. As Johnny is about to be declared the winner by default, Daniel returns to fight. The match is a seesaw battle, with neither able to break through the other’s defense.

The match is halted when Daniel uses a scissor-leg technique to trip Johnny, delivering a blow to the back of his head and giving Johnny a nosebleed. Kreese directs Johnny to sweep Daniel’s injured leg – an unethical move. This guy basically tells Johnny to kill him if it came to that. Johnny looks horrified at the order, but reluctantly agrees. See now all of sudden he doesn’t want to hurt Danny, like what about all of those other times you almost killed the kid? As the match resumes and the score is tied 2–2, Johnny seizes Daniel’s leg and deals a vicious elbow, doing further damage. Daniel, standing with difficulty, assumes the “Crane” stance, a technique he observed Mr. Miyagi performing on a beach. Johnny lunges toward Daniel, who jumps and executes a front kick to Johnny’s face, scoring the tournament-winning point and becoming the new champion.

Johnny, having gained newfound respect for his nemesis, presents the trophy to Daniel himself, as Daniel is carried off by an enthusiastic crowd while Miyagi looks on proudly. The End.

This movie is a classic. If you haven’t watched it, I would recommend finding a way to. It’s not like the movie with Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan so don’t not watch it because you watched that one. That one is good too and is part of the franchise, but you know, it’s not the classic. The lesson I learned from this film: Learn karate.

Next movie: The Karate Kid Part II

I Watch The Avatar Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Avatar

If you’re confused by the title because there is only one Avatar movie out with the sequel on the way, then just know that 20th Century Fox is planning to make five Avatar movies. I know, five, it’s a lot. We went from one movie in 2009, to now five in the next couple of years. I’ve seen this movie a couple of times and I thought it was pretty good. I don’t understand the hype everyone gives it, but I have to say the visuals are really pretty and the whole story is very interesting and unique. Andrew and I are planning to go to Disney at some point in our lives and Pandora will definitley be on the list of places to visit. If you haven’t seen the movie or want a refresher for the sequel, here is what happened in the 2009 film Avatar. And no this is not Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Avatar, 2009

We’re in the year 2154, so most of us are long gone by now and the humans have depleted Earth’s natural resources, leading to a severe energy crisis. not suprising we did this. The Resources Development Administration (RDA) mines a valuable mineral called unobtainium on Pandora, a densly forested havitable moon orbiting Polyphemus, a fictional gas giant in the Alpha Centauri star system. so literally somewhere COMPLETELY out of our reach because wow did they pull that out of their ass. Pandora, whose atmosphere is poisionous to humans, is inhabited by the Na’vi, a species of 10 foot-tall, blue-skinned, sapient humanoids that live in harmony with nature and worship a mother goddess named Eywa. I’m going to say right now that to me, this was a VERY modern Pocahontas and maybe you’ll understand why as I go on, but if not, I’ll try to point certain things out. First is the humans (Britian) going/discovering a new world (America) or in this case Pandora.

To explore Pandora’s biosphere, scientits use Na’vi-human hybrids called “avatars”, operated by genetically matched humans. Jake Sully, a paraplegic former Marine, our John Smith of the story replaces his deceased identical twin brother as an operator of one. Dr. Grace Augstine, head of the Avatar Program, considers Sully an inadequate replacement but accepts his assignment as a bodyguard. While escorting the avatars of Grace and fellow scientist Dr. Norm Spellman, Jake’s avatar is attacked by a thanator and flees into the forest, where he is rescued by Neytiri, a female Na’vi. Now entering Pocahontas. Witnessing an auspicious sign, she takes him to her clan. Neytiri’s mother Mo’at, the clan’s spiritual leader, orders her daughter to initaite Jake into their society.

Avatar, 2009

Colonel Miles Quaritch, head of RDA’s private security force, John Ratcliffe promises Jake that the company will restore his legs if he gathers information about the Na’vi and the clan’s gathering place, a giant tree called Hometree, which stands above the richest deposit of unobtanium in the area. Literally Grandmother Willow. When Grace learns of this, she transfers herself, Jake, and Norm to an outpost. Over the following three months, Jake and Neytiri fall in love as Jake grows to sympathize with the natives. After Jake is initiated into the tribe, he and Neytiri choose each other as mates. Soon afterward, Jake reveals his change of allegiance when he attempts to disable a bulldozer that threatens to destroy a sacred Na’vi site. When Quaritch shows a video recording of Jake’s attack on the bulldozer to Administator Parker Selfridge, and another in which Jake admits that the Na’vi will never abandon Hometree, Selfridge orders Hometree destroyed. Stupid, like how does that make sense. They’re never going to leave, an even better reason to destory it.

Despite Grace’s argument that destroying Hometree could damage the biological neural network native to Pandora, Selfridge gives Jake and Grace one hour to convince the Na’vi to evacuate before commencing the attack. Jake confesses to the Na’vi that he was a spy, and they take him and Grace captive. See I wouldn’t have done this. I would have lied and said like “oh they wanted me to learn your ways, I didn’t know this would happen, I just found out” like I don’t know why he would risk their trust during such a crucial time, but who am I, I don’t know anything. Quaritch’s men destroy Hometree, killing Neytiri’s father (the clan chief) once again, just like Pocahontas’ he was the chief, except he doesn’t die. and many others. Mo’at frees Jake and Grace, but they are detached from their avatars and imprisoned by Quaritch’s forces. Pilot Trudy Chacon, disgusted by Quartich’s brutality, frees Jake, Grace, and Norm and airlifts them to Grace’s outpost, but Grace is shot by Quaritch during the escape.

Avatar, 2009

To regain the Na’vi’s trust, Jake connects his mind to that of Toruk, a dragon-like predator feared and honored by the Na’vi. Jake finds the refugees at the sacred Tree of Souls and pleads with Mo’at to heal Grace. The clan attempts to transfer Grace from her human body into her avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls, but she dies before the process can be completed. Supported by the new chief Tsu’tey, Jake unites the clan and tells them to gather all of the clans to battle the RDA. Quaritch organizes a preemptive strike against the Tree of Souls, believing that it’s destruction will demoralize the natives. On the eve of battle, Jake prays to Eywa, via a neural connection with the Tree of Souls, to intercede on behalf of the Na’vi.

During the subsequent battle, the Na’vi suffer heavy casualities, including Tsu’tey and Trudy, but are rescued when Pandoran wildlife unexpectedly join the attack and overwhelm the humans, which Neytiri interprets as Ewya’s answer to Jake’s prayer. Jake destroys a makeshift bomber before it can reach the Tree of Souls; Quaritch, wearing an AMP suit, escapes from his own damaged aircraft and later finds and breaks open the avatar link unit containing Jake’s human body, exposing it to Pandora’s poisonous atmosphere. Quaritch prepares to slit the throat of Jake’s avatar, but Neytiri kills Quaritch and saves Jake from suffocation, seeing his human form for the first time.

Avatar, 2009

With the exceptions of Jake, Norm, and a select few others, all humans are expelled from Pandora and sent back to Earth. Jake is permanently transferred into his avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls. The end.

So, if you understood what I meant when I said this was similiar to Pocahontas, then cool. Glad you saw it my way. I recommend checking out the film if you haven’t seen it for the visual aspect of it, because it really is amazing, it’s available on Disney+. The lesson I learned from this film: listen to the scientists, they know what they’re talking about especially when it comes to a species we know nothing about.

Next movie: Avatar: The Way of Water

I Watch The Jurassic Park Franchise So You Don’t Have To: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

We have another week of Jurassic Park, which was nice because I have never seen this movie and it was easy to understand what was going on after watching the first movie like a week or two before. So, let’s just get onto the movie and what it was all about.

Four years after the events on Isla Nublar, a wealthy British family docks their yacht and has come ashore on nearby Isla Sorna, unaware that the island contains genetically engineered dinosaurs. Their daughter wanders off and is attacked by a group of Compsognathus, but is saved by her father and yacht crew. Interestingly we never see her or the family again, but okay.

An ailing Dr. John Hammond invites mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm to his residence to discuss the recent incident. Hammond’s company InGen, which created the dinosaurs, is now headed by Hammond’s nephew Peter Ludlow, who used the incident to take control of the company from Hammond. Ian learns that InGen originally cloned the dinosaurs on Isla Sorna, but the island was abandoned during a hurricane and the animals were released into the wild to fend for themselves. Oh how nice. Ludlow wants to exploit the island’s creatures to save InGen from bankruptcy. because we didn’t learn from the first movie. Hammond asks Ian to join a team who will document the dinosaurs in their natural habitat, in order to encourage a policy of non-interference. Ian’s girlfriend, paleontologist Dr. Sarah Harding, was hired and is already on Isla Sorna. Upon hearing this, Ian reluctantly agrees to go to the island, but only to retrieve Sarah.

Ian travels there with Eddie Carr, an equipment specialist and engineer, and Nick Van Owen, a video documentarian and activist. They find Sarah amidst a herd of Stegosaurus, but she is insistent on staying to continue her research. Ian is shocked when he discovers that his daughter Kelly has stowed away with the team in a trailer, which serves as their mobile base. Kelly was annoying, Sarah was annoying. If someone told me about the events that happened on Jurassic Park from the first movie, that would 100% not make me want to GO TO ANOTHER ISLAND WHERE MORE DINOSAURS ARE, but no she’s a paleontologist so she can do whatever she wants. Everything Ian said just went DOWN the drain. Ludlow and a mercenary team arrive on the island to capture dinosaurs, with help from big-game hunters Roland Tembo and Ajay Sidhu, Roland’s second-in-command Dieter Stark, and paleontologist Dr. Robert Burke. Also very annoying. There are a lot of annoying people in this movie so far haha.

Malcolm’s group realizes that Ludlow and the InGen team are planning to take the captured specimens back to the mainland and to an unfinished Jurassic Park attraction in San Diego, such a smart idea 10 out of 10 an amphitheater zoo which Hammond abandoned in favor of the park on Isla Nublar. Nick and Sarah free the captured dinosaurs, allowing the animals to wreak havoc across the InGen team’s camp. On the way back to the trailer, Nick rescues an injured Tryannosaurus rex infant that Roland tried to use as bait to hunt its male parent. Nick and Sarah treat the infant for a broken leg, but the Tryannosaurus adult arrives. They reclaim their infant, another one of their amazing ideas destroy the trailer, and devour Eddie during his attempt to rescue the group.

Ian, Sarah, Nick, and Kelly are rescued by Ludlow’s team, and are forced to work together with them after learning that they’ve lost all their communicative equipment as well. They elect to walk en masse to a distant abandoned InGen base to call for help. During a break, Stark goes into the wilderness alone to relieve himself and is killed by a group of Compsognathus. After the team sets up a camp for the night, they are ambushed by the Tryannosaurus adults: Burke is devoured, and everyone else flees into a field of long grass containing a pack of Velociraptors, where Ajay and the others are killed.

Ian, Sarah, Kelly and Nick manage to reach the InGen base, fight off three Velociraptors, and successfully radio for helicopter extraction. After being rescued, Nick reveals that he stole Roland’s ammunition to prevent him from killing his intended trophy, but while passing overhead, they notice that Roland sedated the male Tyrannosaurus. As more InGen personnel arrive on the island to secure the male and the infant, Roland declines a job offer at the San Diego park from Ludlow, reflecting on Ajay’s death and the morality of Ludlow’s scheme.

In San Diego, Ian and Sarah attempt to meet with Ludlow in order to prevent him from unveiling the attraction. Before they can do this, the ship carrying the male Tryannosaurus suddenly crashes into the docks. The crew is found dead, and the Tryannosaurus is accidentally released and begins rampaging through the city. Ian and Sarah locate the infant at the attraction and retrieve it, using it to lure the male back to the docks. Ludlow pursues the couple onto the ship, and tries to catch the infant within the cargo hold, this guy does not learn but he is cornered by the male, which breaks his leg, incapacitating him before being mauled to dealth by the infant. Sarah uses a tranquilizer gun to sedate the male, while Ian seals the cargo hold doors.

In the aftermath, the dinosaurs are shipped back to Isla Sorna accompanied by a naval escort, while Ian, Sarah and Kelly watch Hammond’s announcement that the American and Costa Rican governments have declared the island a nature preserve in a televised interview. The end.

This movie was actually pretty good for a sequel, I definitely think the first one was better, but the second one was good. I was a little upset that Grant and Sattler weren’t in this one, but I’m pretty sure they’re in the third movie. Even after the first movie, no one learns, so the lesson from this movie, is once again: Don’t bring Dinosaurs back.

Next movie: Jurassic Park III

I Watch The Jurassic Park Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Jurassic Park

This week we are diving into prehistoric times, well not really…this week Andrew and I watched the first movie of the Jurassic Park franchise, which is titled, if you couldn’t guess Jurassic Park. I have seen parts of this movie a couple of times when I was younger and to be honest, it definitely scared me as a kid especially that one scene (if you know what scene I’m talking about). If you haven’t seen this movie, I would reccomend watching it because it’s a classic, you should especially watch it if you’re planning on seeing Jurassic World Dominion because you’ll probably be a little confused. This is the first time that I’m watching this movie all the way through, but if you haven’t seen it at all or just want a refresher before you go see the new movie, here is what Jurassic Park is all about.

So Industrialist John Hammond created a theme park of cloned dinosaurs, Jurassic Park, on tropical Isla Nublar. After a dinosaur handler is killed by a Velociraptor, because why would you think you wouldn’t be harmed, the park’s investors, represented by lawyer Donald Gennaro, demand a safety certification. NOW they’re demanding it?! If someone came up to me and said they were going to make a park with REAL dinosaurs, the FIRST thing I would said is “heeeeeeeell no, and the second thing would be to make sure it was safe before they did anything else. But what do I know. Gennaro invites mathematician Ian Malcolm, while Hammond invites paleontologist Alan Grant and paleobotanist Ellie Sattler. Upon arrival, the group is shocked to see a live Brachiosaurus.

Okay, I have to admit, if this park WAS real, it would be really cool, for like a second, to see these dinosaurs. Even though we know so much about them, it would still be cool to actually, truly see them and understand them. At the park’s visitor center, the group learns that the cloning was accomplished by extracting dinosaur DNA from prehistoric mosquitoes preserved in amber. I just want to know who woke up and said “this is how we are going to explain how the dinosaurs are cloned in this movie”. That is probably the most elaborate writing I have ever seen and to this day, if I had to think about something like that, THAT would not be the first thing that comes to mind. ALSO, looooove that at the end of the day, mosquitos are/were the problem, at least we’re sticking to reality a little bit here. DNA from frogs was used to fill in gaps in the genome of dinosaurs, and to prevent breeding, all the dinosaurs were made female by direct chromosome manipulation. Why female?

The group witnesses the hatching of a baby Velociraptor and visits the raptor enclosure. During lunch, the group debates the ethics of cloning and the creation of the park as they should. Malcom warns about the implications of genetic engineering and scoffs at the park’s conceptualization, saying that it will inevitably break down.

Hammond’s grandchildren, Lex and Tim Murphy, join for a tour of the park, while Hammond oversees from the control room. The tour does not go as planned, with most of the dinosaurs failing to appear and the group encountering a sick Triceratops; it is cut short as a tropical storm approaches. Most of the park employees leave for the mainland on a boat while the visitors return to their electric tour vehicles, except Sattler, who stays behind with the park’s veterinarian to study the Triceratops. This girl knew way more than this vet let me tell you. This vet probably felt so stupid and useless.

Jurassic Park’s disgruntled lead computer programmer, Dennis Nedry, has been bribed by Dodgson, a man working for Hammond’s corporate rival, to steal fertillized dinosaur embryos. They didn’t think this was a stupid idea either? Nedry deactivates the park’s security system to gain access to the embryo storage room and stores the embryos inside a container disguised as a shaving cream can. To be honest this guy actually loses the embryos and I don’t think they were ever brought up or found again, so I wonder if the second one will mention that, cause if not I feel like that’s a BIG plot hole. Anyway. Nedry’s sabotage also cuts power to the tour vehicles, stranding them just as they near the park’s Tryannosaurus rex paddock. Nice. Most of the park’s electric fences are deactived as well, allowing the Tryannosaurus to escape and attack the group. “It can’t see us if you don’t move” lol I wish apparently that’s a myth. After the Tyrannosaurus overturns a tour vehicle, it injures Malcolm and devours Gennaro, while Grant, Lex and Tim escape. On his way to deliver the embryos to the island’s docks, Nedry becomes lost in the rain, crashes his Jeep Wrangler, and is killed by a Dilophosaurus. Dumb idiot.

Sattler helps the game warden, Robert Muldoon, search for survivors; they only find an injured Malcolm, just before the Tyrannosaurus returns. Who came up with these dinosaur names? Grant, Tim, and Lex take shelter in a treetop, and encounter a Brachiosaurus. They later discover the broken shells of dinosaur eggs, and Grant concludes that the dinosaurs have been breeding, which occurred because of their frog DNA – some West African frogs can change their sex in a single-sex enviornment, allowing the dinosaurs to do so as well. Well of course. How convenient.

Unable to decipher Nedry’s code to reactivate the security system, Hammond and chief engineer Ray Arnold reboot the park’s system. The group shuts down the park’s grid and retreats to an emergency bunker, while Arnold heads to a maintenance shed to complete the rebooting process. I just want to know what would have happened if Grant and Sattler weren’t there because I’m pretty sure all of them would have been dead and these dinosaurs would have made it to the mainland and then like everything would go completely wrong. So I’m going to take the opportunity to say that Grant and Sattler saved the world. When Arnold fails to return, Sattler and Muldoon head to the shed. They discover the shutdown has deactivated the remaining fences and released the Velociraptors. Muldoon distracts the raptors, while Sattler goes to turn the power back on, before being attacked by a raptor and discovering Arnold’s severed arm. Meanwhile, Muldoon is caught off-guard and killed by the other two raptors.

Grant, Tim and Lex reach the visitor center. Grant heads out to look for Sattler, leaving Tim and Lex inside. This, my friends, is THE scene. Tim and Lex are pursued by the raptors in a kitchen, but they escape and join Grant and Sattler who have returned. The group reaches the control room and Lex uses a computer to restore the park’s power, allowing them to call Hammond, who calls for help. As they try to escape by the front entrance, they are cornered by the raptors, but they escape when the Tyrannosaurus appears and kills the raptors. The T-Rex saves the day afterall. Hammond arrives in a jeep with Malcolm, and the group boards a helicopter to leave the island. The end.

This movie is pretty intense, I wouldn’t reccomend watching this with a kid, just because there are some scenes that might be a little scary for them. Other than that, it’s a classic movie that I think everyone should see. (It’s available on HBOMAX) The lesson I learned from this film should be obvious: Don’t bring back the dinosaurs.

Next movie: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

I Watch The Hotel Transylvania Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Hotel Transylvania

This week we’re going to be checking out the Hotel Transylvania franchise because why not. Andrew has never seen any of these movies, whereas I saw the first and some of the second one. This is an animation film with Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez, Andy Sandberg and a bunch of other famous people. Basically this movie is Grown Ups, but for kids and is animated. This movie was actually pretty good for a kids’ film and if you have nothing else going on in your life, I would recommend watching the film. For those who haven’t seen it or for parents out there who don’t know if they want their kid to see it, here is what the movie is all about.

In 1895, after his wife Martha was killed by an angry human mob, Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) commissions and builds a massive monsters-only hotel Transylvania, in which he raises his daughter, Mavis. The hotel also serves as a safe haven and a getaway for the world’s monsters from fear of human persecution. Famous monsters such as Frankenstein and his wife Eunice, Wayne and Wanda Werewolf and their massive immediate family, Griffin the Invisible Man, and Murray the Mummy often come to stay at the hotel.

In the present-day (2012), on Mavis’ 118th birthday basically this is a vampire’s 18th birthday, Dracula allows his daughter to leave the castle to explore the human world, getting an Ariel vibe amiright? but he sets up an elaborate plan using his zombie bellhops disguised as humans to make them seem intimidating, and frighten her home. The plan works, but the zombies inadvertently lead a 21-year-old human Jonathan “Johnny” Loughran back to the hotel. Drac frantically disguises him as a Frankensteinesque monster and passes him off as Frank’s cousin “Johnnystein”. lol this guy literally managed to convince THE Frankenstein that him and Johnny are related.

Jonathan soon encounters Mavis and the two “Zing”, it’s sort their word for falling in love or our version of “love at first sight.” Unable to get Johnny out of the hotel without notice, Drac quickly improvises that Johnny is a party planner, brought in to bring a fresher approach to his own traditional and boring parties. Johnny quickly becomes a hit to the other monsters, but this disgusts and worries Drac. Drac orders Johnny to leave, but he is brought back by Mavis. After being shown the beauty of a sunrise by Johnny, Mavis is inspired to give humans another chance.

Meanwhile, the hotel chef Quasimodo, with the help of his pet rat Esmeralda, learns that Johnny is a human and kidnaps him to cook him. Drac intervenes and magically freezes Quasimodo to keep him from telling anyone that Johnny is human. Drac leads Johnny to his quarters and shows him a painting of Martha, allowing Johnny to realize why Drac built the hotel and became overprotective of Mavis. Humans. We just have to go and kill a bunch of monsters. Johnny then agrees to leave for good, but Drac persuades him to stay for the time being to avoid ruining Mavis’ birthday.

The party is a great success the next night, and Mavis looks forward to opening a gift from Martha. However, when Johnny and Mavis share their first kiss, Drac overracts, and in his outburst, inadvertently confesses to deceiving Mavis with the town. A still-frozen Quasimodo bursts in and Mr. Fly reveals from his frozen speech that Johnny is a human disguised by Drac. Smh. This guy just can’t keep his mouth shut. The guests are shocked and outraged by the deceit at play, but Mavis is undeterred and wants to be with Johnny. Johnny feigns uninterest in Mavis and rejects her out of respect for her father and leaves the hotel.

A heartbroken Mavis flies onto the roof with her mother’s gift, and Drac follows her in hopes of comforting her. He learns the present is a book about how Drac and Martha “Zinged” and fell in love. Drac realizes he no longer knows humankind’s true tolerance of monsters. After apologizing to the patrons, Drac persuades Frank, Wayne, Griffin, and Murray to head out into the human world to help him find Johnny, and with the scent-tracking ability of Wayne’s daughter, Winnie, they learn that he is about to catch a flight back to the United States.

The four head to the airport, but are held up in a town celebrating a Monster Festival along the way. Frankenstein attempts to scare away the assembled crowd of humans with a loud roar but instead receives wild applause and adoration. He then gets the humans to agree to help, and a team of men dressed as vampires provides Drac shelter from the sunlight while he rushes to the airport. Drac arrives to see Johnny’s plane taking off, and he gives chase in bat form, burning in the sunlight. After getting Johnny’s attention, Drac makes his way to the windshield of the plane and uses his mind-controlling power on the pilot to help him apologize, stating that Mavis has grown up and can make her own decisions. Johnny accepts his apology, and Drac manipulates the pilot to return to the Translyvanian airport.

Drac returns Johnny to Mavis, announcing that he approves of Johnny. Johnny confesses to Mavis that their “Zing” was mutual and the two kiss. The monsters finish celebrating Mavis’ party, impressing the hotel guests. The end.

So in the end, this movie was pretty good. If I was a parent I would allow my kids to watch this movie, especially during Halloween time. It was entertaining enough for me as a 23-year-old to watch, but then again I also love Disney movies so it might just be the kid in me. The movie is available to rent on Amazon Prime. The lesson I learned from this film: Don’t be an overprotective parent, it’ll only make it worse.

Next movie: Hotel Transylvania 2

I Watch The MonsterVerse So You Don’t Have To: Godzilla (2014)

I know what you’re thinking: Why isn’t she watching the original Godzilla movies? To be honest I don’t know, and I would have if they were part of the MonsterVerse, but they’re not. This franchise also includes King Kong, which is the next movie, so stay tuned for that. To be honest, for the first time watching Godzilla, I really liked the story. I wish they showed more of the monsters, but I’m assuming they didn’t have a big enough budget to show them a lot, because these guys were HUGE. I think that’s what fascinated me the most. I watched Godzilla v. Kong with Andrew and I thought it was really cool too, which is why I figured I start from the beginning. Anyway, here is what Godzilla (2014) is all about.

During the main title scene we are shown newspaper clippings from the past. We learn that in 1954, Godzilla, a prehistoric alpha predator, is lured to Bikini Atoll, it’s a coral reef in the Marshall Islands, in an attempt to kill him with a nuclear bomb. In 1999, my birth year woot woot Monarch scientists Ishiro Serizawa and Vivienne Graham investigate the skeleton of a monster similar to Godzilla in a cavern unearthed by a collapsed uranium mine in the Phillippines. They also find two giant spores, one dormant and one hatched, along with a trail leading to the sea.

In Japan, the Janjira Nuclear Power Plant experiences unusual seismic activity as supervisor Joe Brody sends his wife Sandra to lead a team of technicians into the reactor. Kind of a dumb idea if you ask me. A tremor breaches the reactor, forcing Joe to close the reacter door before Sandra and her team can escape while the plant collapses. I was kind of annoyed by this, because she could’ve lived if he didn’t send her down there. PLUS this guy basically watched his wife die because she made it to the door, but he couldn’t open it because of this “radiation”.

Anyway, 15 years later, Joe and Sandra’s son Ford, a U.S. Navy EOD officer, returns from a tour of duty to his wife Elle and son Sam in San Francisco, but must immediately depart for Japan after Joe is detained for trespassing in Janjira’s quarantine zone. My dude lol. Also, I didn’t really like the actor in this movie who played Ford. He was kind of bad to be honset, but luckily they didn’t seem to show him talking too much. He was good action-wise, but not talking-wise if that makes sense. I don’t know maybe I’m just dumb lol.

Joe is determined to find out the cause of the meltdown as he should since it bascially killed his wife and persuades Ford to accompany him to retrieve vital data from their old home. They discover the zone is uncontaminated guys. These people are freaking out over uncontaminated land!! It’s like Chernobyl but NOT and retrieve the data, but are discovered and taken to a facility in the plant’s ruins. The facility harbors a massive chrysalis that had been feeding off the plant’s reactors for 15 years and emitting intense electromagnetic pulses over time. Joe was trying to tell everybody this, but they wouldn’t listen to him, until you know, he dies of course. Yeah, I know, another sad series of events. A giant winged insect-like creature emerges from the chrysalis and escapes, destroying the facility. This is where Joe gets injured and then dies. Best character in the whole movie, if I’m being honest. The incident is reported publicly as an earthquake. Because everyone is going to believe that.

Serizawa and Graham join the U.S. Navy task force led by Admiral William Stenz to search for the creature, dubbed “MUTO”. Serizawa and Graham reveal to Ford that a 1954 deep-sea expedition awakened Godzilla. Great. Just great. This is why we need to leave things alone. This guy was sleeping not bothering anyone and look. We got curious and now we’re dealing with the consquences. He ain’t going to sleep again. He’s up and that’s it. WHY ARE WE ANNOYING AND NOSY!? Nuclear tests in the 1950s were attempts to kill him; when this didn’t work, Project Monarch was established to study Godzilla and similar monsters secretly. Because why not. Let’s study these creatures and maybe make more and cause more problems. Like I said, we can’t just worry about the next football game, we gotta go and study these huge creatures that literally can kill us.

They also explain that the MUTO caused the Janjira meltdown. Ford reveals Joe had monitored echolocation signals indicating the MUTO was communicating with something, presumably Godzilla. Faaaaaaaantastic. They’re working together now. The MUTO attacks a Russian submarine darn? and drops it in the O’ahu to eat its nuclear material. Godzilla arrives, causing a tsunami in Honolulu way to be discreet Godzilla and briefly engages the MUTO in battle until it flees. Serizawa deduces Godzilla was only listening as the MUTO was communicating with something else, prompting the military to investigate the other spore stored in the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository in Nevada. However, a second, bigger, wingless MUTO has already emerged and attacks Las Vegas. Perfect. There’s three of them now. The scientists deduce that it is a female and was what the male was communicating with, their signals being a mating call. Even better.

Over the scientists’ objections, Stenz approves a plan of using nuclear warheads to lure all three monsters out into the open ocean and destroy them. Because that worked the first time. Returning to the U.S., Ford joins the team delivering the warheads by train, but the female MUTO intercepts them and devours most of the warheads. The remaining warhead is airlifted with Ford to San Francisco, where the monsters are converging, and activated after Godzilla appears at the Golden Gate Bridge, only for the male MUTO to snatch it and take it to the female, who forms a nest around it in the Chinatown area. oh.

While Godzilla and the MUTOs battle, Ford and a stike team enter the city via a HALO jump to find and disarm the warhead before it detonates. This is because it would literally kill a bunch of people if they didn’t. Unable to access the timer, the team gets the warhead onto a boat for disposal at sea while Ford destroys the nest. The poor fish who are probably going to die from this bomb. Also, this mom MUTO is a fricken loser, she literally just lost all her kids lol. Godzilla defeats the MUTOS and collapses on the shore from exhaustion. I mean same. Ford gets the boat out to the “open” sea. I put quotes there because it was literally like inches from the shore, but it’s fine he’s rescued before the warhead explodes and reunites with his family at an emergency shelter the following morning. Godzilla reawakens and returns to the sea like nothing fricken happened, while the media dubs him the “King of the Monsters” and speculate whether he might be a savior. The end.

Like I said in the beginning, this movie wasn’t bad. Were there times where I was like “why is everyone being dumb?” of course, but that’s how movies are. If you like action movies like this and want to see the full, real action I recommend taking a look at this movie. The lesson I learned: leave things alone.

Next movie: Kong: Skull Island

I Watch The Hunger Games Franchise So You Don’t Have To: The Hunger Games

This week we got The Hunger Games! I had to read this book in high school and we then watched the movie, so this will be my second time watching this film. The book was really good as was the movie, however, I never read the rest of the series or saw the rest of the movies, so I have no idea what goes on in this franchise. However, like most franchises, I am excited to see what is next in store, especially since there is a new book that came out, so hopefully they make a fifth movie. Fourth movie? I don’t know which one there on. Anyway, for those who haven’t seen it, here is The Hunger Games.

To start off I’m going to give you a little background story. The nation of Panem is divided into 12 districts, ruled from the Capitol. I’m not sure if this is a spolier or not, but there used to be 13 districts, but the 13th one revolted, however failed due to the Capitol basically destroying the distirct. As a punishment for this revolt, thanks district 13 each district is forced to select two tributes, one boy and one girl between the ages of 12 and 18, to fight to the death in the annual Hunger Games until there is only one survivor. I know. A little harsh for a revolt. I mean a bunch of people stormed the Capital Building in the U.S. and a year later we’re still trying to figure out who was behind the whole thing. We’re not fighting to the death or anything, well, some of us are, but that’s not the point.

We are introduced to 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen who is like really good at hunting and archery. This year is her sister’s first year to get picked, now this girl has got like one in almost a million chance of getting picked. At this “reaping” which is also known as the event where they choose who is going to die basically, Katniss’ sister gets chosen. Like wtf. Katniss though, ain’t no bish, so she volunteers herself to take her sister’s place. heeeeeeeell no, you ain’t seeing me volunteering for nobody, my sister got chosen? dang that stinks. It was nice knowing you.

Katniss and fellow tribute Peeta Mellark, a.k.a. Josh Hutcherson, are escorted to the Capitol by their chaperone Effie Trinket and mentor Haymitch Abernathry, the Games’ only living winner from Distirct 12. nice. Haymitch stresses the importance of gaining sponsors, as they can provide potentially life-saving gifts during the Games. By the way, this whole thing is televised. There are interviews and commentary and everything, this is a totally normal event. While training, Katniss observes the “Careers”, volunteers from the wealthy Districts 1 and 2 who have trained for the Games from an early age. And they still lose! stupid. oops spoliers

During a televised interview with Ceasar Flickerman, Peeta expresses his love for Katniss, which she intially sees as an attempt to attract sponsers, however later finds out that he actually likes her. Now we’re here. We are at the start of the games. We hear the 3, 2, 1 and 12 people are already dead because they all ran into the middle of the field where a bunch of weapons and supplies are. Katniss isn’t a moron so she graps a bag of supplies and runs into the woods and I’m pretty sure her plan is to just hide until the game is over, which, same. Because Katniss is trying to stay away from the others, one of the Gamemakers triggers a forest fire to drive Katniss towards the Careers. bitch Katniss runs into them and sees Peeta who has become allies with them and climbs up a tree. Peeta advices the Careers to wait her out. Now. I don’t know why he did this. Like doesn’t he want her to win, what was the plan here?

The next morning, Katniss notices Rue, District 11’s young female tribute, hiding in an adjacent tree. Rue draws her attention to a nest of genetically modified wasps. Using a knife, Katniss causes the nest to fall on the Careers sleeping below; one of the girls dies, but the others escape. Katniss becomes disoriented from being stung a few times and Peeta returnes and tells her to run. Oh thanks Peeta, it’s not like you just ratted her out before.

Rue helps Katniss recover, and they become friends and allies. For like a bit, you’ll see why. Katniss destroys the supplies from the Careers stockpile by detonating mines guarding them, while Rue provides a distraction. Katniss later finds and frees Rue from a trap, but another guy comes out of nowhere and throws a spear at Rue, which kills her. Katniss kills him with an arrow and she comforts Rue by singing to her and, after she dies, adorns her body with flowers, triggering a riot in District 11. President Coriolanus Snow warns Crane about the unrest.

So now, Haymitch persuades Crane to change the rules to allow two winners provided they are from the same district, suggesting that this will pacify the public. After the announcement, Katniss finds a gravely wounded Peeta. Another announcement promises that what each survivor needs the most will be provided at the Cornucopia the next morning. That’s the thing that had all the supplies in the beginning of the Game. Despite Peeta’s vehement opposition, Katniss leaves to get medicine for him, but she is ambused and overpowered by some girl who gloats about Rue’s death and prepares to kill Katniss. Thresh, District 11’s male tribute, overhears and kills the girl and spares Katniss’ life once, for Rue’s sake. The medicine heals Peeta overnight. It’s 2022 and we still don’t have medicine like this.

While hunting for food, Katniss hears a cannon go off, signaling a death. She races to Peeta, who has unwittingly collected deadly nightlock berries. Peeta Peeta Peeta, my dude is TRYING to die here. They discovered District 5’s female tribute was poisoned by the nightlock she collected after watching Peeta. lol MY DUDE. Crane, who, by the way is like the Gamemaster, unleashes genetically modified beasts that kill Thresh and force Katniss, Peeta and Careers leader, Cato, the last three survivors, onto the Cornucopia’s roof. Cato gets Peeta in a headlock and uses him as a human shield against Katniss’ bow. Peeta directs Katniss to shoot Cato’s hand, enabling Peeta to throw him to the beasts below. Katniss kills him with an arrow to end his suffering.

Crane then revokes the rule change allowing two victors to win. Peeta urges Katniss to shoot him, but she convinces him to eat nightlock together. Now. They really trust each other enough to kill themselves? Like Katniss made a promise to her sister to win. What, she’s just going to kill herself now? Just before they do, Crane hastily declares them co-victors, as there should be. Afterward, Haymitch warns Katniss that she has made enemies through these acts of defiance. Snow has Crane locked in a room with nightlock berries, after which the wily President considers his next move. The end!

Wow, what a movie! It just really brings the whole family together doesnt it? Like I said in the beginning, it was a really good movie and suprisingly it followed the book pretty well. I am very happy that I don’t live in a world where this is a thing, because I honestly would have died at 12 haha. Anyway, the lesson I learned from this film: Don’t revolt, because apparently if you do, the Capitol will get so pissed that they’ll force you to kill each other for food.

Next movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

I Watch The Matrix Franchise So You Don’t Have To: The Matrix

Welp we made it to The Matrix Franchise and if I’m going to be honest this movie was not at all what I thought it was going to be. To be honest I thought it was going to be like Inception or something, but no it was not. I didn’t mind the movie, I just think I would’ve liked it more if it WAS more like Inception, I don’t know. This was my first time watching this movie, if you couldn’t already tell, but don’t worry I’ve seen some scenes like the one where Neo is being introduced to the Matrix in that white room and the end fighting scene. Anyway, for those who HAVEN’T seen it. Here is what you’re missing.

The movie starts off at an abandoned hotel and a police squad corners this girl named Trinity. She overpowers them with her superhuman abilities, which we’ll get into later. She flees, pursued by the police and a group of suited, it’s more like three people rather than a group but you get it, Agents capable of similar superhuman feats. We find out at the end of the movie that the one guy’s name is Agent Smith. Original I know. Anyway, Trinity answers this ringing phone in a telephone booth and then vanishes before she could get hit by a truck driven by one of the agents.

Now we meet computer programmer Thomas Anderson, also known as Neo which is his hacking alias. Neo is puzzled by repeated online encounters with the phrase “the Matrix”. Trinity contacts him and tells him a man named Morpheus has the answers Neo seeks. However, a team of Agents and police arrives at Neo’s workplace in search of him. Though Morpheus attempts to guide Neo to safety, Neo surrenders rather than risk a dangerous escape. But same. The Agents attempt to coerce Neo into helping them locate Morpheus, who they claim is a terrorist. When Neo refuses, the agents fuse his mouth shut I couldn’t tell ya how and implant a robotic “bug” in his stomach. Yeah it was a bit gross if you ask me.

Neo wakes up from what he believes to be a nightmare. lol Soon after, Neo is taken by Trinity to meet Morpheus, and she removes the bug from Neo, indicating that the “nightmare” he experienced was apparently real.

Morpheus offers Neo a choice between two pills: red to reveal the truth about the Matrix and blue to forget everything and return to his former life. As Neo takes the red pill, his reality begins to distort and he soon awakens in a liquid-filled pod among countless other pods, containing other humans. This part was when I realized this wasn’t going to be like Inception. I was so lost and confused. It got to a point where I was like “WTF is going on!” Neo is then brought aboard Morpheus’ flying ship, the Nebuchadnezzar.

As Neo recuperates from a lifetime of phyiscal inactivity in the pod in the aftermath of being redpilled, Morpheus explains the situation. Finally. So here’s what’s going on: In the early 21st century, a war broke out between humanity and intelligent machines. After humans blocked the machines’ access to solar energy, the machines responded by capturing humans and harvesting thier bioelectric power, while keeping their minds pacified in the Matrix, a shared simulated reality modeled on the world as it was in 1999. The machines won the war, and the remaining free humans took refuge in the underground city of Zion. Morpheus and his crew are a group of rebels who hack into the Matrix to “unplug” enslaved humans and recruit them; their understanding of the Matrix’s simulated nature allows them to bend its physical laws. And THIS is why we shouldn’t make robots or any type of machine. What’s wrong with people?! Why do we think this won’t happen?! Is there a big percentage that it won’t? maybe, however, you never know!

Morpheus warns Neo that death within the Matrix kills the physical body, too, and explains the Agents are sentient programs that eliminate threats to the system, while machines called Sentinels eliminate rebels in the real world. Neo’s prowess during virtual training cements Morpheus’ belief that Neo is “the One”, a human prohesied to free humankind. ….. we’re going to die.

The group enters the Matrix to visit the Oracle, the prophet who predicted that the One would emerge. She implies to Neo that he is not the One and warns that he will have to choose between Morpheus’ life and his own. Before they can leave the Matrix, Agents and police ambush the group, tipped off by Cypher, a disgruntled crew member who has betrayed Morpheus in exchange for a comfortable life in the Matrix. My dude. In an attempt to buy time for the others, Morpheus fights Smith and is captured. Cypher exits the Matrix and murders the other crew members as they lie unconscious. Before Cypher can kill Neo and Trinity, crew member Tank regains consciousness and kills him before pulling Neo and Trinity from the Matrix.

The Agents interrogate Morpheus to learn his access codes to the mainframe computer in Zion, which would allow them to destroy it. Neo resolves to return to the Matrix to rescue Morpheus, as the Oracle prophesied; Trinity insists she accompany him. While rescuing Morpheus, Neo gains confidence in his abilities, performing feats compareable to those of the Agents. As Morpheus and Trinity safely exit the Matrix, Smith ambushes and kills Neo. Bruh. While a group of Sentinels attack the Nebuchadnezzar, Trinity confesses her love for Neo and says the Oracle told her she would fall in love with the One. oh….I mean. I guess. Neo is revived, Got no clue on that one with newfound abilities to perceive and control the Matrix; he easily defeats Smith, prompting the other Agents to flee, and he leaves the Matrix just as the ship’s electromagnetic pulse disables the Sentinels.

Back in the Matrix, Neo makes a telephone call, promising the machines that he will show their prisioners “a world where anything is possible.” He hangs up and flies away. The end.

Like I said, I love the idea of this movie and I can’t wait to see the next ones, however I was hoping for a bit more of Inception vibes. I would have perferred to question if they were in the real world or not, but the idea of the movie was really cool and it still left me thinking that we’re in the Matrix right now, which, I hope we’re not haha. The lesson from this movie should be obvious: STOP BUILDING ROBOTS.

Next movie: The Matrix Reloaded