I Watch The Rocky Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Rocky

To those of you have seen these movies, you’re going to hate me, but I did not like this movie at all. Why? It was boring, made no sense and it had a disappointing ending. I honestly don’t understand what the hype is all about. For those who haven’t seen this movie and don’t like movies where you’re just watching someone live their life, then don’t waste your time watching this. That’s just my opinion though, if you want to give it a try, go for it, it’s not available to stream anywhere, so you can either buy it, rent it or illegally stream it. I’m really hoping that the next couple of movies are a lot better than this one.

In 1975, the heavyweight boxing world champion, Apollo Creed, who I thought was a real person for some reason announces plans to hold a title bout in Philadelphia during the upcoming United States Bicentennial. However, he is informed five weeks from the fight date that his scheduled opponent Mac Lee Green is unable to compete due to an injured hand. With all other potential replacements booked up or otherwise unavailable, Creed decides to spice things up by giving a local contender a chance to challenge him. oh how thoughtful

Creed selects Rocky Balboa, an Italian journeyman southpaw boxer who fights primarily in small gyms and works as a collector for a loan shark. Rocky meets with promoter George Jergens assuming that Creed is seeking local sparring partners. Reluctant at first, Rocky eventually agrees to the fight which will pay him $150,000. Rocky undergoes several weeks of unorthodox training, such as using sides of beef as punching bags. His one friend who gives him access to the beef is super annoying and thought he was helping him even though Rocky had a trainer already. Also, this friend’s sister is the love interest and she’s extremly shy and barely talks throughout this movie, meaning we gotta listen to Rocky, mumble nonsense to her.

Rocky is later approached by Mickey Goldmill, a former bantamweight fighter who turned trainer and whose gym Rocky frequents, about further training. Rocky is not willing initially, as Mickey has not shown much interest in helping him before and sees him as a wasted talent, but eventually Rocky accepts the offer.

Rocky begins to build a romantic relationship with Adrian Pennino, who is working part-time at the J&M Tropical Fish pet shop. Adrian’s brother and Rocky’s best friend, Paulie, helps Rocky get a date with his sister and offers to work as a corner man with him for the fight. Paulie becomes jealous of Rocky’s success, but Rocky placates him by agreeing to advertise the meat packing business where Paulie works as part of the upcoming fight. this is the guy I was talking about earlier. The night before the fight, a sleepless Rocky visits the Philadelphia Spectrum and begins to lose confidence. He confesses to Adrian that he does not believe he can win, but strives to go the distance against Creed, which no other fighter has done, to prove himself to everyone; if he can go the distance, he will not be just “another bum from the neighborhood.”

On New Year’s Day, the fight is held with Creed making a dramatic entrance dressed as George Washington and then Uncle Sam. Taking advantage of his overconfidence, Rocky knocks him down in the first round—the first time that Creed has ever been knocked down. Humbled and worried, Creed takes Rocky more seriously for the rest of the fight, though his ego never fully fades. The fight goes on for the full fifteen rounds, with both combatants sustaining various injuries. Rocky, with hits to the head and swollen eyes, requires his right eyelid to be cut to restore his vision. Apollo, with internal bleeding and a broken rib, struggles to breathe. As the fight concludes, Creed’s superior skill is countered by Rocky’s apparently unlimited ability to absorb punches and his dogged refusal to go down. As the final bell sounds, with both fighters embracing each other, they promise each other there will be no rematch. This whole thing is the only entertaining thing in this whole movie.

After the fight, the sportscasters and the audience go wild. Jergens announces over the loudspeaker that the fight was “the greatest exhibition of guts and stamina in the history of the ring”, and Rocky calls out repeatedly for Adrian, who runs down and comes into the ring. As Jergens declares Creed the winner by virtue of a split decision, Rocky and Adrian embrace and profess their love for each other, not caring about the outcome of the fight. Which he loses, and I mean I guess that’s fine, but like, I watched this whole movie to watch him lose? I don’t know. The end.

In my own personal opinion, this movie wasn’t good at all. I barely paid attention, I was constantly bored and I kept checking to see how much time was left in the movie. A lot of people like this movie, which is why I recommend to give it a go if you’re still a little skeptical. If you’re anything like me, just skip it, you won’t like it. However, that doesn’t mean I won’t be watching the rest of the franchise. The lesson I learned from this film is: If you want to film a movie based on your life, go for it, apparently everyone will love it.

Next movie: Rocky II

I Watch The Transformers Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Transformers

This week we have the Transformers franchise and to tell you the truth this is another franchise I have never seen before. It came out in 2007, so I was like 8-years-old and I guess my parents didn’t think it appropriate for me to watch a bunch of cars transform into huge robots. I’m happy I finally got the chance to sit down and watch it because I throughly enjoyed it and am excited for the rest of the franchise. The franchise is based off of the action figures from the company Hasbros, which I didn’t know. You learn something new every day. Anyway, here’s what you’re missing if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t plan on it.

Thousands of years ago, the planet Cybertron was consumed by a civil war between the two Transformer factions, the Autobots led by Optimus Prime my duuuude and the Decepticons led by Megatron. The Autobots want to find the All Spark, the source of all Cybertronian life, so they can use it to rebuild Cybertron and end the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons, while the Decepticons want to use it to defeat the Autobots and conquer the universe. Megatron found the All Spark on Earth, but crash-landed in the Arctic Circle and was frozen in the ice. ha loser Captain Archibald Witwicky and his crew of explorers stumble upon Megatron’s body in 1897. Captain Witwicky accidentally activates Megatron’s navigational system, causing his eyeglasses to be imprinted with the coordinates of the All Spark’s location. “Accidentally” in every movie I see someone has to touch something which causes a whole problem in the movie. This guy should’ve just seen Megatron and said “nope I’m out.” But no, we gotta touch things. Sector 7, a secret United States government organization, discovers the All Spark in the Colorado river and builds the Hoover Dam around it to mask its energy emissions. The still-frozen Megatron is moved into this facility and is reverse engineered to advance human technology. *sigh* back to the touching. But this time, it’s worse because the government has to get involved and try to use it for their own good and not just leave anything alone. Once again, can’t just say “nope I’m out”.

In the present day, the Decepticons, Blackout, Scorponok, Frenzy, Barricade, Starscream, Brawl and Bonecrusher—have landed on Earth and assumed the disguise of Earth vehicles and have setup a conspiracy. Blackout and Scorponok attack the U.S. SOCCENT military base in Qatar and try to hack into the U.S. military network to find the location of Megatron and the All Spark. Their mission is thwarted when the base staff severs the network cable connections. While Blackout destroys the rest of the base, Scorponok chases a small group of survivors who have photographic evidence of the robots, but he is eventually repelled. During this battle, the military discovers its only effective weapons against the Transformers’ armor are high-heat sabot rounds.

After Blackout’s failure, Frenzy infiltrates Air Force One to try again to hack into the military network, and in doing so plants a virus. He finds the map imprinted on Captain Witwicky’s glasses, whose descendant, Sam Witwicky, intends to sell on eBay. Frenzy and Barricade begin tracking Sam’s location. The Autonomous Robotic Organism (shortened to “Autobot”) Bumblebee is also on Earth, disguised as a 1976 Chevrolet Camaro, and is bought by Sam while shopping for his first car. Bumblebee helps him woo his crush, Mikaela Banes. Bumblebee leaves at night to transmit a homing signal to the rest of the Autobots and Sam sees him in robot mode. Barricade confronts Sam and demands Archibald’s spectacles, but Bumblebee rescues him and Mikaela.

After Bumblebee upgrades his vehicle form by scanning a 2006 Chevrolet Camaro, they leave to rendezvous with the rest of the Autobots: Optimus Prime, Jazz, Ironhide, and Ratchet—who have landed on Earth and taken the forms of Earth vehicles as well. Sam, Mikaela, and the Autobots return to Sam’s home and obtain the glasses. Soon special agents from Sector 7 arrive and capture Sam, Mikaela, and Bumblebee. These agents were THE most annoying people I have ever seen in so far in this movie. Including Sam’s parents. Mostly the mom. She was BEYOND annoying. But these agents, they want all these answers, which I understand, however, Sam should’ve just told them what Optimus told them and then see where that got him. If the goverment didn’t believe him, then that’s on them. I don’t know.

Frenzy, disguised as a mobile phone, secretly accompanies the group to Hoover Dam and releases Megatron from his frozen state. Locating the All Spark, Frenzy sends an alert to the other Decepticons. And while at the base, Agent Simmons show’s everyone in on this that they have had precise contact with the “Transformers”. And that the Decpticon’s have formed a conspiracy to free Megatron and eliminate humanity. Later, Sam convinces the Sector 7 to release Bumblebee so that he can get the All Spark to Optimus Prime. Frenzy’s virus has shut down government communications, but a pair of hackers manage to establish a signal to the Air Force. The Autobot-human convoy goes to nearby Mission City to obtain a radio that will guide the Air Force’s defense and secure a rendezvous point as a safe destination for All Spark. The Decepticons attack and Bonecrusher, Frenzy, Jazz, Brawl, and Blackout are all killed during the ensuing battle, but Sam manages to ram the All Spark into Megatron’s chest, killing Megatron and destroying the All Spark. Optimus takes a fragment of the All Spark from Megatron’s corpse but realizes that with its destruction, their homeworld Cybertron cannot be restored. No kidding.

Consequently, Optimus sends a signal to other surviving Autobots in the universe, directing them to this new home, Earth, where there can be more of them and The Secretary of Defense and US government soon authorizes this decommission of Sector 7 and has the corpses of the defeated Decepticons dumped into the Laurentian Abyss. The end.

This movie was really cool and I really liked how they focused on them transforming. For 2007, the CGI was actually pretty good for the Transformers. I can’t wait to see how much better it gets as the years go on. I also liked that the Transformers could disguise themselves as other electronic devices on Earth. It kind of makes you wonder/pretend that there are actual Autobots in the “real” world. If you’re interested in watching this film, it’s available on HBOMAX. The lesson I learned from this film: Don’t touch anything.

Next movie: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I Watch The DC Extended Universe So You Don’t Have To: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

If you couldn’t tell by the title, this week we are watching Batman v Superman or as most people like to call it Dawn of Justice since the movie only featured one fight scene between Batman and Superman. A lot of people, including Andrew, didn’t like this movie because it was slow and whatever other reason he had, but I didn’t mind it. I’m pretty easily impressed with movies and like most all of the ones that I’ve seen, except Fantastic Four that was bad. Anyway this movie is a follow-up to the 2013 film Man of Steel and the second film of the DC Extended Universe, so we had to watch it….again. Anyway, here’s what the movie is all about.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, 2016

In a flashback to his childhood, Bruce Wayne runs from his parents’ funeral. He falls into a cave, where a circling vortex of bats elevates him back to the surface. oh boy Back in the present, 18 months after the battle between Superman and General Zod in Metropolis, Superman has become a controversial figure. Bruce is now a billionaire who has operated in Gotham City as the vigilante Batman for 20 years. Having witnessed the chaos of that battle in person, he sees Superman as an existential threat to humanity. great.

After learning of Batman’s form of justice, Clark Kent (Superman’s civilian identity) seeks to expose him via Daily Planet articles. Wayne learns that Russian weapon trafficker Anatoli Knyazev has been contacting LexCorp mogul Lex Luthor. He’s like this EXTREMELY, insane, psychotic guy. Meanwhile, Luthor attempts to persuade Senator June Finch or elastic girl from The Incredibles, (watch the movie and you’ll understand) to allow him to import kryptonite discovered after Zod’s terraforming attempt so that it can be used as a deterrent against future Kryptonian and metahuman threats. She declines, but Luthor makes alternative plans with Finch’s subordinate, granting him access to Zod’s body and the Kryptonian scout ship.

Bruce attends a gala at LexCorp to steal encrypted data from the company’s mainframe, but antiquities dealer Diana Prince or Wonder Woman takes it from him; she returns it after failing to access the information. While decrypting the drive, Bruce dreams of a postapocalyptic world where he leads rebels against an evil Superman. He is awakened by The Flash appearing through a portal, who tells him that Lois Lane a.k.a my girl Amy Adams “is the key” and urges him to find “the others” before vanishing.The decrypted drive reveals Luthor’s files on several metahumans across the globe. One is Diana, who appears in a photo from World War I. Wayne tells Alfred Pennyworth that he plans to steal and weaponize the kryptonite to go to war with Superman. perfect because that’s what we need right now.

A widely publicized congressional hearing, led by Finch, is held to question Superman’s actions against Zod. A bomb smuggled in by Luthor detonates, killing everyone present except Superman. Superman blames himself for not detecting it in time and self-imposes exile. Elsewhere, Batman breaks into LexCorp and steals the kryptonite. He builds a powered exoskeleton, a kryptonite grenade launcher, and a kryptonite-tipped spear. Meanwhile, Luthor enters the Kryptonian ship and accesses its vast database of technology.

Luthor lures Superman out of exile by kidnapping Lois and Martha Kent, Clark’s adoptive mother. He pushes Lois off the LexCorp building. Superman saves her and confronts Luthor, who reveals he manipulated him and Batman by fueling their distrust. Luthor demands he kill Batman in exchange for Martha’s life. Superman tries to explain this to Batman, who instead attacks him and eventually subdues him using a kryptonite gas. As Batman prepares to move in for the kill using the spear, Superman pleads with him to “save Martha” – the same name as Batman’s mother. Batman hesitates in confusion long enough for Lois to arrive and explain what Superman meant. Coming to his senses about how far he has fallen from grace, he promises to rescue Martha. Superman regains his strength and confronts Luthor on the scout ship. So you mean to tell me, that all it took, was to say that they had moms with the same name……

Luthor executes his backup plan, unleashing a monster genetically engineered from DNA from both Zod’s body and his own. I told you….psychotic. Diana arrives, joining Batman and Superman in their fight against the creature. Superman realizes its vulnerability to kryptonite and retrieves the spear, fatally impaling the creature with it. In its dying moments, the creature stabs Superman, who was weakened by kryptonite exposure, killing him. bro….he ain’t coming back.

Following Luthor’s arrest, Batman confronts him in prison, warning him that he will always be watching. Luthor gloats that Superman’s death has made the world vulnerable to powerful alien threats. A memorial is held for Superman in Metropolis. Clark is also declared dead, what a coincidence and Wayne and Prince both attend his funeral in Smallville. where ever that is. Martha gives Lois an envelope containing an engagement ring from Clark. Bruce tells Diana that he regrets having failed Superman in life. He asks her help to form a team of metahumans, starting with those named in Luthor’s files, to protect the world in Superman’s absence. As they depart, the dirt atop Clark’s coffin levitates. The end.

What could that possibly mean!! I guess we’ll find out in Justice League. They did these out of order, which is probably why a lot of people perfer the Marvel movies more than DC, however the newer DC movies are getting a little better as they. I’m interested to see how they’re going to do this since Henry Cavill is no longer playing Superman as well as Ben Affleck not plaing Batman anymore. This movie was okay, it wasn’t the BEST and it definitely wasn’t like Marvel’s Civil War, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. The lesson I learned from this film: If your mom has the same name as someone else’s you should automaticaly get along.

Next movie: Suicide Squad

I Watch The Karate Kid Franchse So You Don’t Have To: The Karate Kid (1984)

This week we are moving from New Jersey to California to learn some Karate in The Karate Kid franchise. While watching this film, I often wondered if someone could learn karate if they trained like Danny did. They would probably know the basics, but it would be pretty cool if they became a master of karate with only the skills from The Karate Kid. Anyway, this movie follows Daniel LaRusso, a teenager taught karate by Mr. Miyagi to help defend himself and compete in a tornament against his bullies, one of who is Johnny Lawrence, the ex-boyfiend of his love interest Ali Mills. Welp, let’s go a little deeper of what The Karate Kid is all about.

In 1984, 15-year-old Daniel LaRusso and his mother Lucille move from Newark, New Jersey, to Reseda, Los Angeles, California. Their apartment’s handyman is an eccentric, but kind and humble Okinawan immigrant named Mr. Miyagi.

At a beach party, Daniel befriends Ali Mills, a high school cheerleader, drawing the attention of her arrogant ex-boyfriend Johnny Lawrence, a black belt and the top student from the Cobra Kai dojo, training in an aggressive form of karate. Johnny and his Cobra Kai gang continually bully Daniel. And I mean like bully. These people do not quit. I don’t think they realize how close they are to killing this kid to be honest. Also, Danny literally has friends in the beginning of the film and they bail on him because he gets beat up by Johnny and his crew. Like wtf is that. I know it’s the 80s and whatever, but I thought the one guy he met in the beginning would have stayed his friend. On Halloween, after Daniel sprays water on Johnny with a hose as payback, he and his gang pursue Daniel down the street and brutally beat him, until Mr. Miyagi intervenes and easily defeats them alone. lol

Amazed, Daniel asks Mr. Miyagi to teach him karate. He declines but agrees to accompany Daniel to Cobra Kai to resolve the conflict. Oh yeah that’s going to work. If that was the answer it would have happened already and there probably wouldn’t even be a point to the movie. They meet the sensei, John Kreese, an ex-Special Forces Vietnam veteran who callously dismisses the peace offering. Because he’s insane and you’ll see why later on. Miyagi then proposes that Daniel enter the Under 18 All-Valley Karate Championships, thereby compete against Kreese’s students on equal terms, and requests that the bullying cease while he trains. Kreese agrees to the terms but warns that if Daniel does not show up for the tournament, the harassment will continue for both of them. I love that this is an adult saying this. Like “if he doesnt show up, I’m going to allow Johnny to keep bullying Danny. Like I know he’s an army man but geez, he’s your own people.

Daniel’s training starts with days of menial chores that seemingly only serve to make him Miyagi’s slave. When he becomes frustrated, Miyagi demonstrates that repetition of these chores have helped him to learn defensive blocks through muscle memory. wax on, wax off. Their bond develops, and Miyagi opens up to Daniel about his life that includes the dual loss of his wife and son in childbirth at the Manzanar internment camp while he was serving with the 442nd Infantry Regiment during World War II in Europe, where he received the Medal of Honor. And this guy isn’t trying to get people bullied like Kreese.

Through Mr. Miyagi’s teaching, Daniel learns not only karate but also important life lessons such as the importance of personal balance, reflected in the principle that martial arts training is as much about training the spirit as the body. Daniel applies the life lessons Miyagi has taught him to strengthen his relationship with Ali. On Daniel’s 16th birthday, Miyagi gives him a Karate gi for the tournament and one of his own cars. Again, I know this was set in the 80s, but throughout this whole movie Danny’s personality was super annoying. He was trying so hard to be this flirty, cool kid with Ali and she fell for it, but I just cringed the whole time. It was super annoying and if that happened today, Danny would not have a girlfriend. At least if it was me.

At the tournament, Daniel surprises the audience and competitors by reaching the semi-finals. Johnny advances to the finals, scoring three unanswered points against Darryl Vidal. Kreese instructs his second-best student, Bobby Brown, one of his more compassionate students and the least vicious of Daniel’s tormentors, to disable Daniel with an illegal attack to the knee. Bobby reluctantly does so, severely injuring Daniel and getting himself disqualified in the process.

Daniel is taken to the locker room, where the physician determines that he cannot continue. However, he believes that if he quits, his tormentors will have gotten the best of him, so he convinces Miyagi to use a pain suppression technique to help him continue. As Johnny is about to be declared the winner by default, Daniel returns to fight. The match is a seesaw battle, with neither able to break through the other’s defense.

The match is halted when Daniel uses a scissor-leg technique to trip Johnny, delivering a blow to the back of his head and giving Johnny a nosebleed. Kreese directs Johnny to sweep Daniel’s injured leg – an unethical move. This guy basically tells Johnny to kill him if it came to that. Johnny looks horrified at the order, but reluctantly agrees. See now all of sudden he doesn’t want to hurt Danny, like what about all of those other times you almost killed the kid? As the match resumes and the score is tied 2–2, Johnny seizes Daniel’s leg and deals a vicious elbow, doing further damage. Daniel, standing with difficulty, assumes the “Crane” stance, a technique he observed Mr. Miyagi performing on a beach. Johnny lunges toward Daniel, who jumps and executes a front kick to Johnny’s face, scoring the tournament-winning point and becoming the new champion.

Johnny, having gained newfound respect for his nemesis, presents the trophy to Daniel himself, as Daniel is carried off by an enthusiastic crowd while Miyagi looks on proudly. The End.

This movie is a classic. If you haven’t watched it, I would recommend finding a way to. It’s not like the movie with Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan so don’t not watch it because you watched that one. That one is good too and is part of the franchise, but you know, it’s not the classic. The lesson I learned from this film: Learn karate.

Next movie: The Karate Kid Part II

I Watch The Child’s Play Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Child’s Play 2

So after Andrew watched the first Child’s Play movie, I decided to watch the second one with him because it didn’t seem as scary as I thought it was, however it was still a little creepy, you know with the whole doll coming to life sort of thing. Gab is not a fan of that. This movie actually went by pretty fast, for me at least, and I feel like you don’t really have to watch the first one to understand what is going on because it’s a whole separate plot just with the same little boy. In this movie, the plot follows Charles Lee Ray, better known as Chucky, continuing his pursuit for Andy Barclay, who was placed in foster care, and transferring his soul into him after being resurrected. Anyway, here is what Child’s Play 2 is all about.

Two years after the first film, the Play Pals Corporation, which produces the Good Guy dolls, recovers from the negative publicity and reassembles Chucky to reassure its stockholders that there was nothing actually wrong with the doll. During the process, a power surge electrocutes one of the assembly line workers. oh yeah that’s what it was Mr. Sullivan, the executive of the company, orders his assistant Mattson to cover up the accident and dispose of Chucky, unaware that he has been revived.

Meanwhile, Andy Barclay, now eight years old, has been in foster care ever since the murders, his mother having been institutionalized for backing up Andy’s story about the killer doll. Andy goes to live with foster parents Phil and Joanne Simpson, who are also fostering Kyle, a cynical, street smart teenage girl. Chucky discovers Andy’s whereabouts by using Mattson’s car phone to call Grace Poole, the manager of Andy’s foster center, before suffocating Mattson with a plastic bag.

Chucky invades the home by destroying and burying another Good Guy doll called “Tommy” and replacing it with himself. Andy begins to bond with Kyle after the two are punished for an heriloom Chucky destroyed. That night, Chucky ties Andy to his bed and reveals himself, but Kyle enters the room before he can complete the voodoo chant to possess him. Kyle doesn’t believe Andy’s assertions about Chucky while Phil and Joanne blame Kyle and throw Chucky in the basement. Can I just say, if some little kid started telling me that a doll came to life and was trying to kill him or whatever, there would be not a doubt in my mind that that kid was telling the truth. I am NOT making the same mistakes everyone else makes I will be prepared. Chucky realizes that he is becoming human after suffering a nosebleed. The next day, Chucky secretly follows Andy to school and defaces his homework. Chucky kills Andy’s teacher Miss Kettlewell by stabbing her with a pump and then beating her to death with a yardstick, but Andy manages to escape. Later, Andy tries to warn his foster parents about Chucky, but Phil refuses to believe him and considers returning him to the foster center. This is what I mean, you gotta believe him bro, take him to a therapist just in case, but make sure there is no doubt because kids can see everything.

That night, Andy sneaks into the basement to destroy Chucky with an electric knife, but the doll overpowers him. I don’t get this, this guy is a doll Andy should be able to just stand up and swing this doll into the air. I guess it makes sense for Chucky’s human strength to come into play, but I don’t know. When Phil arrives to investigate the commotion, Chucky trips him, causing Phil to fall and break his neck. Joanne immediately blames Andy and sends him back to the foster center. Oh yeah, Andy is capable of that. Kyle discovers “Tommy” buried outside and realizes Andy was telling the truth all along. She rushes to warn Joanne, only to discover that Chucky has already killed her. Chucky ambushes Kyle and forces her to drive him to the foster center. There, Chucky clears the building by pulling the fire alarm. He stabs Grace to death and forces Andy to take him to the Play Pals factory to perform the voodoo chant. Kyle pursues them to the factory but is unable to find them before Chucky knocks Andy unconscious and completes the ritual.

However, the spell fails as Chucky has spent too much time in his doll body and is now permanently trapped. ha. Infuriated, Chucky chases Andy and Kyle through the factory, intent on killing them both. Kyle slams a gate shut on Chucky’s hand, which Chucky tears off and replaces with a makeshift blade. After Chucky murders a factory technician, Kyle and Andy manage to trap him in a giant assembly line machine that mutilates his body, appearing to kill him. However, Chucky manages to escape the machine by cutting off his own legs and attacks again, knocking out Kyle. Andy is able to defeat him a second time by opening a valve, showering Chucky with a lethal amount of hot molten plastic. After saving the unconscious Kyle from a conveyor belt, the two approach the half-melted Chucky, who suddenly attacks them again. geez this guy just doesn’t give up, like it’s over dude.

During the struggle, Kyle shoves a high-pressure air hose into his mouth, inflating his head until it explodes, killing him. Andy and Kyle exit the factory, unsure of where to go. The end.

This movie is pretty intense and it frustates me how annoying these adults are with not listening to this kid. I understand why they don’t believe him, but I still would have taken what the kid said into consideration, I mean what other reasons would there be other than attention that this boy thinks a doll is trying to kill him. I don’t know that’s just me. The lesson I obviously learned from this film: believe children.

Next movie: Child’s Play 3

I Watch The Mission: Impossible Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Mission: Impossible III

This week we got the third installment of Mission: Impossible. In this film, Ethan Hunt has retired from field work for the Impossible Missions Force or IMF and trains new recruits. However, he is sent back into action to track down the elusive arms dealer Owen Davian, who is looking for a mysterious toxic weapon called the “Rabbit’s foot.” Apparently this one was supposed to be the best movie in the franchise. I thought it was good, a part of me feels like the second one was still a little better though, but I guess you can be the judge of that. If, after reading this, you plan on seeing the movie for yourself, it’s available on Showtime. Anyway, here is what Mission: Impossible III is all about.

Ethan Hunt has retired from fieldwork for the IMF. He instead trains recruits while settling down with his fiancée, Julia Meade, a nurse who is unaware of Ethan’s real job. What the heck happened to Nyah from the second movie lol He is approached by IMF Assistant Director of Operations John Musgrave about a mission to rescue one of Ethan’s protégés, Lindsey Farris. Lindsey was captured while investigating arms dealer Owen Davian. Musgrave has already prepared a team for Ethan: Declan Gormley, Zhen Lei, and his old partner Luther Stickell. We’re getting the band back together.

The team rescues Lindsey in Berlin and collects two damaged laptop computers. As they flee, Ethan discovers an explosive pellet implanted in Lindsey’s head. Before he can disable it, it kills her. This was very disgusting to watch, her eyes were just like…ugh it was not okay. IMF Director Theodore Brassel reprimands Ethan and Musgrave. Ethan learns that Lindsey mailed him a postcard before her capture and discovers a magnetic microdot under the stamp.

IMF technician Benji Dunn recovers enough data from the laptops to determine Davian will be in Vatican City to obtain a mysterious object codenamed the “Rabbit’s Foot.” Ethan plans a mission to capture Davian without seeking official approval. Not smart, but at the same time yes smart because this Brassel guy was annoying and was mad for no reason whatsoever. Before leaving, he and Julia have an impromptu wedding at the hospital’s chapel. The team infiltrates Vatican City and captures Davian.

Ethan threatens to drop Davian from the plane on the return flight as he interrogates him about the Rabbit’s Foot, but Davian refuses to reveal anything I would have dropped him off the plane, frick that. After landing, Ethan learns that the microdot from Lindsey contains a warning that Brassel is seemingly working with Davian. The convoy taking Davian across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge — Tunnel is ambushed by German speaking mercenaries, who extract Davian while deploying a MQ-9 Reaper missile armed drone. This is why I would have dropped him out of the plane. Realizing Julia is also in danger, Ethan races to Julia’s workplace to discover she has already been kidnapped. Davian calls Ethan and gives him 48 hours to recover the Rabbit’s Foot in exchange for Julia’s life. Before Ethan can, he is captured by the IMF. Can I say, this Davian guy was the most meloncholy villain ever. He just threatened everybody but said it like he was just bored out of his mind. Like that is pure villain, when you threaten someone and you’re just bored while doing it.

Musgrave takes part in Ethan’s interrogation. He discreetly mouths that the Rabbit’s Foot is located in Shanghai and assists Ethan in escaping. Ethan is declared an enemy of the state and placed on Interpol’s most-wanted list. Ethan secretly travels to Shanghai, where Declan, Zhen, and Luther, sent by Musgrave under the guise of another operation, assist him in acquiring the Rabbit’s Foot. What I don’t like about this, is that they didn’t even show how he got the Rabbit’s Foot. We don’t even really know what this thing is and we didn’t even get a cool action scene of Ethan sneaking around and getting this thing. As he delivers the Rabbit’s Foot to the meeting point, Ethan is tranquilized. When he regains consciousness, a micro-explosive is implanted in his head. Restrained, Ethan sees Davian holding Julia at gunpoint, tied up and gagged in a chair. Despite Ethan asserting that he brought the real Rabbit’s Foot, Davian shoots Julia and leaves. Bro. This literally got me. I was speechless for a good couple of minutes, because I didn’t think they were actually going to kill her off. Like. I’m still a little speechless to be honest haha.

Musgrave arrives and reveals himself as the actual IMF traitor; my dude. he explains that Julia is still alive. The woman killed was Davian’s translator disguised as Julia, executed for failing to protect him in Vatican City. Oh, well that’s good. But I don’t understand why a translator is given the role of making sure you’re safe isn’t that the security guys fault? This girl is just translating languages to you so you understand what’s going on. The ruse was to confirm the authenticity of the Rabbit’s Foot. He arranged for Davian to acquire the Rabbit’s Foot and sell it to a terrorist group so that IMF would have reason to launch a preemptive strike to increase the American military presence in the Middle East. When Musgrave lets his guard down, Ethan knocks him unconscious. He frees himself and uses Musgrave’s phone to track the last call’s location to find Julia. With help from Benji on the phone, he locates the place but encounters Davian and some of his henchmen. Ethan kills the henchmen, but Davian arms the explosive in Ethan’s head. Ethan fights and kills Davian. He comes back to free Julia and jury-rigs an impromptu defibrillator to deactivate the explosive. Julia fights off and kills a henchman, then Musgrave, who is carrying the Rabbit’s Foot. She resuscitates Ethan, who finally explains his IMF career to her.

Back in the US, Brassel and others congratulate Ethan as he leaves for his honeymoon with Julia. The End.

And there you have it, the third installment of the Mission: Impossible franchise. Don’t worry there’s more. I don’t know why I liked the second or first one more than this one, but if this was supposed to be the best one in the franchise, I don’t agree. We got about five movies left in the series, so stay tuned. I’m excited to see what other missions and adventures Ethan has to go on next. The lesson I learned from this film: If you have the opportunity to kill the bad guy, especially if it means throwing them out of a plane, do it.

Next movie: Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol

I Watch The Lake Placid v. Anaconda Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Anaconda

This week we are diving into the jungle for the movie Anaconda. At first I thought this movie was going to be scary, but it turned out to not be so bad, especially with such a familiar cast. Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube and Owen Wilson star in this movie, along with many other well-known actors and focuses on a documentary film crew in the Amazon rainforest that is captured by a snake hunter who is hunting down a giant, legendary green anaconda. What could go wrong! So for those who don’t want to see the movie, here is what it was all about.

On the Amazon River, a poacher hides from an unknown creature in his boat. While it breaks through the boat and attempts to catch the poacher, he commits suicide by shooting himself to prevent it from killing him. Automatically makes you think, dang this thing must be THAT bad.

Meanwhile, a film crew is shooting a documentary about the Shirishamas, a long-lost indigenous Amazonian tribe. The crew includes director Terri Flores, JLO cameraman and childhood friend Danny Rich, that’s Ice Cube production manager Denise Kalberg, Denise’s boyfriend and sound engineer Gary Dixon, Lightning McQueen narrator Warren Westridge, anthropologist Professor Steven Cale, and boat skipper Mateo. The group encounters stranded Paraguayan snake hunter Paul Serone, who convinces them he can help them find the Shirishamas.

Most of the crew are uncomfortable around Serone, and Cale clashes with him several times about Shirishama lore. Eventually, Cale is stung by a wasp, and an allergic reaction swells up his throat and leaves him unconscious. Serone performs an emergency crcothyrotmy that’s that thing where they stick a needle in your throat to get the poison out and all that jazz seemingly saving Cale’s life, but soon after, he takes over the boat, forcing the crew to help him achieve his true goal; hunting down a giant record-breaking green anaconda he had been tracking, which he believes that he can capture alive. Oh. great. fantastic. Might I add, for the first couple of minutes of this film, I was on Paul’s side, a part of me didn’t really see the problem in catching this anaconda, I feel like if this was me, I would just suck it up and be like, “okay we’ll help you as long as you help us get back to land.” I mean I would be terrified, but if it was the only option I had then that’s what I’m going with.

Danny, Mateo and Serone search the wreckage of the poacher’s boat. A photograph in an old newspaper reveals that Mateo, Serone, and the poacher were working together to hunt animals, including snakes. Faaaaaantastic Leaving the poacher’s ship, Mateo falls into the water, where the anaconda attacks and kills him, while Danny and Serone return to their boat, unaware of Mateo’s fate. Serone promises that if the crew helps him find the snake, he will help them get out alive. Oh well look at that. That night, the anaconda attacks the boat crew. Serone attempts to capture the snake, but it coils around Gary, crushing him. Nooo my boy Owen! Terri attempts to shoot the anaconda to save him, but Serone knocks her gun away and the snake devours Gary. The crew overpowers Serone and ties him up as punishment.

The next day, the boat becomes stuck at a waterfall, requiring Terri, Danny, and Westridge to enter the water to winch it loose. Denise confronts Serone and attempts to kill him to avenge Gary’s death, but he strangles her with his legs before dumping her corpse into the river. That’s a lot of leg power not going to lie. The anaconda returns, and Westridge distracts it long enough for Terri and Danny to return to the boat while Westridge ascends the waterfall. Serone breaks free during the attack and attacks Danny. The anaconda climbs a tree and attacks Westridge, but the tree snaps. The crew winds up in the water, Cale wakes up in the process, and Westridge is killed in the fall from the waterfall. He was the best character to be honest. He was like the character that was very materialistic and whatnot. The snake attacks Danny, but Terri shoots it in the head. Serone, still believing he can capture the snake alive, attacks her. Cale stabs him with a tranquilizer dart before losing consciousness again himself, and Danny knocks Serone into the river.

Serone manages to catch up to the group and captures Terri and Danny, using them as bait in an attempt to capture a second, much larger anaconda. Just when you think it’s over, it just gets more intense The snake attacks the pair, slowly suffocating them. Serone attempts to catch the anaconda in a net, but it breaks free and attacks him, eventually swallowing him whole, ha while Terri and Danny watch as they escape their bonds.

The anaconda gives chase to Terri, who retreats into the building and finds a nest full of newborn anacondas. The snake regurgitates the still alive but partially digested Serone and chases her up a smokestack. Danny pins its tail to the ground with a pickaxe and ignites a fire below the smoke shack, setting the snake on fire. The resulting explosion sends the burning anaconda flying out of the building and into the water. As Terri and Danny recuperate on a nearby dock, the anaconda resurfaces, but Danny kills it with an ax to the head.

Afterward, Terri and Danny reunite with Cale, who begins to revive on the boat. While floating downriver, the trio suddenly locates the Shirishama tribe, who helps them escape the Amazon. The end.

This movie was okay, it got my adrenaline going, but I don’t know if I would consider this a “horror” film, which is what the company classifies it as. It’s also why I put this movie in the “Horror/Scary” category. Apparently in 2020, Sony Pictures announced a reboot in development and screenwriter Evan Daughterty was hired to reboot the film. It’s 2022, and I haven’t heard anything about a reboot, but I guess we’ll see. Maybe this one will actually be scary? Who knows. Anyway, if you’re looking for a movie to watch while you’re bored, this is the movie for you, but there are definitely better movies out there. This movie is available on Netflix. The lesson I learned from this film: do your research before you go to the Amazon. I mean really, it’s the Amazon.

Next movie: Lake Placid

I Watch The Avatar Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Avatar

If you’re confused by the title because there is only one Avatar movie out with the sequel on the way, then just know that 20th Century Fox is planning to make five Avatar movies. I know, five, it’s a lot. We went from one movie in 2009, to now five in the next couple of years. I’ve seen this movie a couple of times and I thought it was pretty good. I don’t understand the hype everyone gives it, but I have to say the visuals are really pretty and the whole story is very interesting and unique. Andrew and I are planning to go to Disney at some point in our lives and Pandora will definitley be on the list of places to visit. If you haven’t seen the movie or want a refresher for the sequel, here is what happened in the 2009 film Avatar. And no this is not Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Avatar, 2009

We’re in the year 2154, so most of us are long gone by now and the humans have depleted Earth’s natural resources, leading to a severe energy crisis. not suprising we did this. The Resources Development Administration (RDA) mines a valuable mineral called unobtainium on Pandora, a densly forested havitable moon orbiting Polyphemus, a fictional gas giant in the Alpha Centauri star system. so literally somewhere COMPLETELY out of our reach because wow did they pull that out of their ass. Pandora, whose atmosphere is poisionous to humans, is inhabited by the Na’vi, a species of 10 foot-tall, blue-skinned, sapient humanoids that live in harmony with nature and worship a mother goddess named Eywa. I’m going to say right now that to me, this was a VERY modern Pocahontas and maybe you’ll understand why as I go on, but if not, I’ll try to point certain things out. First is the humans (Britian) going/discovering a new world (America) or in this case Pandora.

To explore Pandora’s biosphere, scientits use Na’vi-human hybrids called “avatars”, operated by genetically matched humans. Jake Sully, a paraplegic former Marine, our John Smith of the story replaces his deceased identical twin brother as an operator of one. Dr. Grace Augstine, head of the Avatar Program, considers Sully an inadequate replacement but accepts his assignment as a bodyguard. While escorting the avatars of Grace and fellow scientist Dr. Norm Spellman, Jake’s avatar is attacked by a thanator and flees into the forest, where he is rescued by Neytiri, a female Na’vi. Now entering Pocahontas. Witnessing an auspicious sign, she takes him to her clan. Neytiri’s mother Mo’at, the clan’s spiritual leader, orders her daughter to initaite Jake into their society.

Avatar, 2009

Colonel Miles Quaritch, head of RDA’s private security force, John Ratcliffe promises Jake that the company will restore his legs if he gathers information about the Na’vi and the clan’s gathering place, a giant tree called Hometree, which stands above the richest deposit of unobtanium in the area. Literally Grandmother Willow. When Grace learns of this, she transfers herself, Jake, and Norm to an outpost. Over the following three months, Jake and Neytiri fall in love as Jake grows to sympathize with the natives. After Jake is initiated into the tribe, he and Neytiri choose each other as mates. Soon afterward, Jake reveals his change of allegiance when he attempts to disable a bulldozer that threatens to destroy a sacred Na’vi site. When Quaritch shows a video recording of Jake’s attack on the bulldozer to Administator Parker Selfridge, and another in which Jake admits that the Na’vi will never abandon Hometree, Selfridge orders Hometree destroyed. Stupid, like how does that make sense. They’re never going to leave, an even better reason to destory it.

Despite Grace’s argument that destroying Hometree could damage the biological neural network native to Pandora, Selfridge gives Jake and Grace one hour to convince the Na’vi to evacuate before commencing the attack. Jake confesses to the Na’vi that he was a spy, and they take him and Grace captive. See I wouldn’t have done this. I would have lied and said like “oh they wanted me to learn your ways, I didn’t know this would happen, I just found out” like I don’t know why he would risk their trust during such a crucial time, but who am I, I don’t know anything. Quaritch’s men destroy Hometree, killing Neytiri’s father (the clan chief) once again, just like Pocahontas’ he was the chief, except he doesn’t die. and many others. Mo’at frees Jake and Grace, but they are detached from their avatars and imprisoned by Quaritch’s forces. Pilot Trudy Chacon, disgusted by Quartich’s brutality, frees Jake, Grace, and Norm and airlifts them to Grace’s outpost, but Grace is shot by Quaritch during the escape.

Avatar, 2009

To regain the Na’vi’s trust, Jake connects his mind to that of Toruk, a dragon-like predator feared and honored by the Na’vi. Jake finds the refugees at the sacred Tree of Souls and pleads with Mo’at to heal Grace. The clan attempts to transfer Grace from her human body into her avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls, but she dies before the process can be completed. Supported by the new chief Tsu’tey, Jake unites the clan and tells them to gather all of the clans to battle the RDA. Quaritch organizes a preemptive strike against the Tree of Souls, believing that it’s destruction will demoralize the natives. On the eve of battle, Jake prays to Eywa, via a neural connection with the Tree of Souls, to intercede on behalf of the Na’vi.

During the subsequent battle, the Na’vi suffer heavy casualities, including Tsu’tey and Trudy, but are rescued when Pandoran wildlife unexpectedly join the attack and overwhelm the humans, which Neytiri interprets as Ewya’s answer to Jake’s prayer. Jake destroys a makeshift bomber before it can reach the Tree of Souls; Quaritch, wearing an AMP suit, escapes from his own damaged aircraft and later finds and breaks open the avatar link unit containing Jake’s human body, exposing it to Pandora’s poisonous atmosphere. Quaritch prepares to slit the throat of Jake’s avatar, but Neytiri kills Quaritch and saves Jake from suffocation, seeing his human form for the first time.

Avatar, 2009

With the exceptions of Jake, Norm, and a select few others, all humans are expelled from Pandora and sent back to Earth. Jake is permanently transferred into his avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls. The end.

So, if you understood what I meant when I said this was similiar to Pocahontas, then cool. Glad you saw it my way. I recommend checking out the film if you haven’t seen it for the visual aspect of it, because it really is amazing, it’s available on Disney+. The lesson I learned from this film: listen to the scientists, they know what they’re talking about especially when it comes to a species we know nothing about.

Next movie: Avatar: The Way of Water

I Watch The Jurassic Park Franchise So You Don’t Have To: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

We have another week of Jurassic Park, which was nice because I have never seen this movie and it was easy to understand what was going on after watching the first movie like a week or two before. So, let’s just get onto the movie and what it was all about.

Four years after the events on Isla Nublar, a wealthy British family docks their yacht and has come ashore on nearby Isla Sorna, unaware that the island contains genetically engineered dinosaurs. Their daughter wanders off and is attacked by a group of Compsognathus, but is saved by her father and yacht crew. Interestingly we never see her or the family again, but okay.

An ailing Dr. John Hammond invites mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm to his residence to discuss the recent incident. Hammond’s company InGen, which created the dinosaurs, is now headed by Hammond’s nephew Peter Ludlow, who used the incident to take control of the company from Hammond. Ian learns that InGen originally cloned the dinosaurs on Isla Sorna, but the island was abandoned during a hurricane and the animals were released into the wild to fend for themselves. Oh how nice. Ludlow wants to exploit the island’s creatures to save InGen from bankruptcy. because we didn’t learn from the first movie. Hammond asks Ian to join a team who will document the dinosaurs in their natural habitat, in order to encourage a policy of non-interference. Ian’s girlfriend, paleontologist Dr. Sarah Harding, was hired and is already on Isla Sorna. Upon hearing this, Ian reluctantly agrees to go to the island, but only to retrieve Sarah.

Ian travels there with Eddie Carr, an equipment specialist and engineer, and Nick Van Owen, a video documentarian and activist. They find Sarah amidst a herd of Stegosaurus, but she is insistent on staying to continue her research. Ian is shocked when he discovers that his daughter Kelly has stowed away with the team in a trailer, which serves as their mobile base. Kelly was annoying, Sarah was annoying. If someone told me about the events that happened on Jurassic Park from the first movie, that would 100% not make me want to GO TO ANOTHER ISLAND WHERE MORE DINOSAURS ARE, but no she’s a paleontologist so she can do whatever she wants. Everything Ian said just went DOWN the drain. Ludlow and a mercenary team arrive on the island to capture dinosaurs, with help from big-game hunters Roland Tembo and Ajay Sidhu, Roland’s second-in-command Dieter Stark, and paleontologist Dr. Robert Burke. Also very annoying. There are a lot of annoying people in this movie so far haha.

Malcolm’s group realizes that Ludlow and the InGen team are planning to take the captured specimens back to the mainland and to an unfinished Jurassic Park attraction in San Diego, such a smart idea 10 out of 10 an amphitheater zoo which Hammond abandoned in favor of the park on Isla Nublar. Nick and Sarah free the captured dinosaurs, allowing the animals to wreak havoc across the InGen team’s camp. On the way back to the trailer, Nick rescues an injured Tryannosaurus rex infant that Roland tried to use as bait to hunt its male parent. Nick and Sarah treat the infant for a broken leg, but the Tryannosaurus adult arrives. They reclaim their infant, another one of their amazing ideas destroy the trailer, and devour Eddie during his attempt to rescue the group.

Ian, Sarah, Nick, and Kelly are rescued by Ludlow’s team, and are forced to work together with them after learning that they’ve lost all their communicative equipment as well. They elect to walk en masse to a distant abandoned InGen base to call for help. During a break, Stark goes into the wilderness alone to relieve himself and is killed by a group of Compsognathus. After the team sets up a camp for the night, they are ambushed by the Tryannosaurus adults: Burke is devoured, and everyone else flees into a field of long grass containing a pack of Velociraptors, where Ajay and the others are killed.

Ian, Sarah, Kelly and Nick manage to reach the InGen base, fight off three Velociraptors, and successfully radio for helicopter extraction. After being rescued, Nick reveals that he stole Roland’s ammunition to prevent him from killing his intended trophy, but while passing overhead, they notice that Roland sedated the male Tyrannosaurus. As more InGen personnel arrive on the island to secure the male and the infant, Roland declines a job offer at the San Diego park from Ludlow, reflecting on Ajay’s death and the morality of Ludlow’s scheme.

In San Diego, Ian and Sarah attempt to meet with Ludlow in order to prevent him from unveiling the attraction. Before they can do this, the ship carrying the male Tryannosaurus suddenly crashes into the docks. The crew is found dead, and the Tryannosaurus is accidentally released and begins rampaging through the city. Ian and Sarah locate the infant at the attraction and retrieve it, using it to lure the male back to the docks. Ludlow pursues the couple onto the ship, and tries to catch the infant within the cargo hold, this guy does not learn but he is cornered by the male, which breaks his leg, incapacitating him before being mauled to dealth by the infant. Sarah uses a tranquilizer gun to sedate the male, while Ian seals the cargo hold doors.

In the aftermath, the dinosaurs are shipped back to Isla Sorna accompanied by a naval escort, while Ian, Sarah and Kelly watch Hammond’s announcement that the American and Costa Rican governments have declared the island a nature preserve in a televised interview. The end.

This movie was actually pretty good for a sequel, I definitely think the first one was better, but the second one was good. I was a little upset that Grant and Sattler weren’t in this one, but I’m pretty sure they’re in the third movie. Even after the first movie, no one learns, so the lesson from this movie, is once again: Don’t bring Dinosaurs back.

Next movie: Jurassic Park III

I Watch The Jurassic Park Franchise So You Don’t Have To: Jurassic Park

This week we are diving into prehistoric times, well not really…this week Andrew and I watched the first movie of the Jurassic Park franchise, which is titled, if you couldn’t guess Jurassic Park. I have seen parts of this movie a couple of times when I was younger and to be honest, it definitely scared me as a kid especially that one scene (if you know what scene I’m talking about). If you haven’t seen this movie, I would reccomend watching it because it’s a classic, you should especially watch it if you’re planning on seeing Jurassic World Dominion because you’ll probably be a little confused. This is the first time that I’m watching this movie all the way through, but if you haven’t seen it at all or just want a refresher before you go see the new movie, here is what Jurassic Park is all about.

So Industrialist John Hammond created a theme park of cloned dinosaurs, Jurassic Park, on tropical Isla Nublar. After a dinosaur handler is killed by a Velociraptor, because why would you think you wouldn’t be harmed, the park’s investors, represented by lawyer Donald Gennaro, demand a safety certification. NOW they’re demanding it?! If someone came up to me and said they were going to make a park with REAL dinosaurs, the FIRST thing I would said is “heeeeeeeell no, and the second thing would be to make sure it was safe before they did anything else. But what do I know. Gennaro invites mathematician Ian Malcolm, while Hammond invites paleontologist Alan Grant and paleobotanist Ellie Sattler. Upon arrival, the group is shocked to see a live Brachiosaurus.

Okay, I have to admit, if this park WAS real, it would be really cool, for like a second, to see these dinosaurs. Even though we know so much about them, it would still be cool to actually, truly see them and understand them. At the park’s visitor center, the group learns that the cloning was accomplished by extracting dinosaur DNA from prehistoric mosquitoes preserved in amber. I just want to know who woke up and said “this is how we are going to explain how the dinosaurs are cloned in this movie”. That is probably the most elaborate writing I have ever seen and to this day, if I had to think about something like that, THAT would not be the first thing that comes to mind. ALSO, looooove that at the end of the day, mosquitos are/were the problem, at least we’re sticking to reality a little bit here. DNA from frogs was used to fill in gaps in the genome of dinosaurs, and to prevent breeding, all the dinosaurs were made female by direct chromosome manipulation. Why female?

The group witnesses the hatching of a baby Velociraptor and visits the raptor enclosure. During lunch, the group debates the ethics of cloning and the creation of the park as they should. Malcom warns about the implications of genetic engineering and scoffs at the park’s conceptualization, saying that it will inevitably break down.

Hammond’s grandchildren, Lex and Tim Murphy, join for a tour of the park, while Hammond oversees from the control room. The tour does not go as planned, with most of the dinosaurs failing to appear and the group encountering a sick Triceratops; it is cut short as a tropical storm approaches. Most of the park employees leave for the mainland on a boat while the visitors return to their electric tour vehicles, except Sattler, who stays behind with the park’s veterinarian to study the Triceratops. This girl knew way more than this vet let me tell you. This vet probably felt so stupid and useless.

Jurassic Park’s disgruntled lead computer programmer, Dennis Nedry, has been bribed by Dodgson, a man working for Hammond’s corporate rival, to steal fertillized dinosaur embryos. They didn’t think this was a stupid idea either? Nedry deactivates the park’s security system to gain access to the embryo storage room and stores the embryos inside a container disguised as a shaving cream can. To be honest this guy actually loses the embryos and I don’t think they were ever brought up or found again, so I wonder if the second one will mention that, cause if not I feel like that’s a BIG plot hole. Anyway. Nedry’s sabotage also cuts power to the tour vehicles, stranding them just as they near the park’s Tryannosaurus rex paddock. Nice. Most of the park’s electric fences are deactived as well, allowing the Tryannosaurus to escape and attack the group. “It can’t see us if you don’t move” lol I wish apparently that’s a myth. After the Tyrannosaurus overturns a tour vehicle, it injures Malcolm and devours Gennaro, while Grant, Lex and Tim escape. On his way to deliver the embryos to the island’s docks, Nedry becomes lost in the rain, crashes his Jeep Wrangler, and is killed by a Dilophosaurus. Dumb idiot.

Sattler helps the game warden, Robert Muldoon, search for survivors; they only find an injured Malcolm, just before the Tyrannosaurus returns. Who came up with these dinosaur names? Grant, Tim, and Lex take shelter in a treetop, and encounter a Brachiosaurus. They later discover the broken shells of dinosaur eggs, and Grant concludes that the dinosaurs have been breeding, which occurred because of their frog DNA – some West African frogs can change their sex in a single-sex enviornment, allowing the dinosaurs to do so as well. Well of course. How convenient.

Unable to decipher Nedry’s code to reactivate the security system, Hammond and chief engineer Ray Arnold reboot the park’s system. The group shuts down the park’s grid and retreats to an emergency bunker, while Arnold heads to a maintenance shed to complete the rebooting process. I just want to know what would have happened if Grant and Sattler weren’t there because I’m pretty sure all of them would have been dead and these dinosaurs would have made it to the mainland and then like everything would go completely wrong. So I’m going to take the opportunity to say that Grant and Sattler saved the world. When Arnold fails to return, Sattler and Muldoon head to the shed. They discover the shutdown has deactivated the remaining fences and released the Velociraptors. Muldoon distracts the raptors, while Sattler goes to turn the power back on, before being attacked by a raptor and discovering Arnold’s severed arm. Meanwhile, Muldoon is caught off-guard and killed by the other two raptors.

Grant, Tim and Lex reach the visitor center. Grant heads out to look for Sattler, leaving Tim and Lex inside. This, my friends, is THE scene. Tim and Lex are pursued by the raptors in a kitchen, but they escape and join Grant and Sattler who have returned. The group reaches the control room and Lex uses a computer to restore the park’s power, allowing them to call Hammond, who calls for help. As they try to escape by the front entrance, they are cornered by the raptors, but they escape when the Tyrannosaurus appears and kills the raptors. The T-Rex saves the day afterall. Hammond arrives in a jeep with Malcolm, and the group boards a helicopter to leave the island. The end.

This movie is pretty intense, I wouldn’t reccomend watching this with a kid, just because there are some scenes that might be a little scary for them. Other than that, it’s a classic movie that I think everyone should see. (It’s available on HBOMAX) The lesson I learned from this film should be obvious: Don’t bring back the dinosaurs.

Next movie: The Lost World: Jurassic Park